October 27, 2009
Hello Everyone
It’s been a long time without writing to you with news regarding Ana and her incredible road to recovery. The last time was August 5th when I informed you of her complete and absolute remission.
The truth of the matter is that after the huge relief of her remission I needed a break. I really felt the need to disconnect a bit from everything. In no way do I want to sound ungrateful for all the support that we’ve received from so many, on the contrary I’m always showing Ana different post cards, letters, e-mails and gifts that we’ve received over these almost 11 months. I just needed some quiet time so I haven’t really been writing lately. I hope none of you have felt that now that’s Ana is better we forgot about all that we’ve received from so many.
Since her declaration of remission so many things have happened which I will tell you about but let’s start with the most important piece of information.
Ana is doing wonderfully well. She’s walking all over the ground floor of our house with her walker. According to her physical therapist she should be walking without her walker in 45 to 60 days. Her balance is good, but still needs a bit of work, she really needs to get her lower back, abdominal and gluteus muscles completely recovered to have perfect balance again. The strength in her legs was graded a very good 3.8 out of a possible 5 by her therapist. The other big issue right now is building her stamina back. She get’s tired after about 15 to 20 minutes of continuous walking or standing. She’s able to do a lot of everyday things, but still needs help when fine coordination is involved. So even though she can move around freely she still has severe limitations in her day to day functionality. For example she can eat using her own fork, but I have to cut her food. She can open the refrigerator door but she can’t serve herself a glass of juice.
Her mobility is good enough that she hasn’t even sat in her wheel chair for at least 2 months!!!! That thing is just gathering dust in the garage.
She’s fine moving around on flat surfaces, but the stairs are a different issue. She can go up the 4 stairs to our front door without major difficulties; I don’t help her, but stand by her just in case she loses balance.
Due to the blindness in her left eye and her still pending balance issues it is difficult for her to descend stairs, but she’s improving little by little on a daily basis. The balance will improve with further exercise; there are no neurological reasons that are hindering her. She was in bed and wheelchair for over 6 months and it takes time to recover full mobility.
Her hands and arms still need quite a bit of work, and are the main impediment to her full functionality. Her right arm and hand are at about 40% since it was that side of her body that was affected by the stroke she had shortly after the surgical removal of one of her brain tumors. Her left arm and hand is at about 75%
Her mood and her state of mind are fine. Great is a better description. It’s all about looking towards a better future. She still can’t remember anything that went on between December 2nd and March 18th which is really a huge blessing for her. Actually I hope she never does remember anything from that period. My own memories are more than enough for the both of us.
Since August a lot of water has gone under the bridge.
We’ve been going to get all sorts of treatments to help prevent her having a relapse. She gets the drug Herceptim once every 21 days and Arredea every 28. These are not chemotherapy drugs, they are basically immunotherapy treatments.
There are so many aspects of her recovery that I could write dozens upon dozens of pages. We have constant flow of appointments with ENTs, ophthalmologists, cardiologists, neurosurgeons, oncologists, physical therapists etc. Each one of them is time consuming and ends up being a debate, because each specialist has his or her own recommendations incredibly well justified and explained which normally contradict the recommendations of at least one of the others who also sounded as convincing and logical as the one before. It can be quite confusing. How do we deal with this? We just keep pushing forward basically the same way we did during the darkest days of this process. Trying to balance out the options and going with the one that rationally sounds the best, but also feels the best instinctively or in the gut. Our bodies talk to us more than we realize, it’s just a matter of learning to listen better.
The biggest issue has been the wound on the top of Ana’s head. Where she used to have the Ommaya Reservoir port thru which she received the chemotherapy into her brain fluid. As a consequence of the radiation that treated the brain tumors the skin on Ana’s scalp is very weak. The skin has lost its ability to heal. The port was removed in March and we’ve had an ongoing process of frustrated healing since then.
As part of the multiple efforts to heal the head wound back in May she got a small titanium plate placed there since at that time she was seeping a bit of spinal fluid thru the wall of her skull plus quite a few stitches to close the skin. The stitches were not enough to heal the skin, thus the wound never finished healing and became a scab the size of a dollar coin staying pretty much stagnant.
About 6 weeks ago the neurosurgeon decided that we try hyperbaric medicine. I SCUBA dive and have always known that the last place you want to be is in a hyperbaric chamber, it means you’ve had a diving accident and you have got the bends. So in spite of my initial prejudice, I have learned that it has a huge application in wound therapy when healing issues are involved as in Ana’s case due to radiation, but it’s also used a lot with diabetics, hemophiliacs and severe burn victims. Inside the chamber the patient gets pure oxygen at about 3.5 bars of pressure so instead of getting the 20 to 22% oxygen we normally breathe, it’s like receiving it at 1500%. This completely revitalizes her body cells and most importantly the tiny blood vessels that were damaged by the radiation. Once blood circulation improves, any type of wound will heal a lot better. The change in the wound is remarkable. It has also stimulated the growth of her hair and you can see the positive effects on all her body’s skin. The hyperbaric medicine also seems to have boosted her general state. She has more energy and is livelier than ever.
The hyperbaric medicine does have its drawbacks. Since mid September we’ve been going everyday to South Miami Hospital for a two hour session, but the real time with the commuting, putting on and taking off the special gown etc is a 3 and half hour ordeal. On top of that almost everyday we end up having some other doctor appointment and many times even two.
The logistics involved in taking Ana to so many different appointments, continuous testing, therapies and especially the hyperbaric medicine of the last 6 weeks plus taking care of the 3 kids is grueling. She’s doing wonderfully well and so are the children so it makes it 101% worth it, but it takes a toll. I don’t want to sound like the victim or the hero but I told a friend the other day “The logistics of Ana doing great are killing me”. We still have 8 sessions left so by the first Thursday of November we should be done and hopefully we can get back to a more normal rhythm of life. We will still have the other doctors to see, but no more South Miami Hospital.
A few weeks ago Ana did go back to the Baptist Hospital for a slight surgical intervention. After the first 14 sessions of hyperbaric the neurosurgeon cleaned out the wound, removed the large scab and also removed the titanium platelet. It sounds simple but needs to be done in the sterile conditions of the OR. It was a short one day stay. However going back even though it was such a short time did bring back a whole bunch of not so pleasant memories. The positive side is how Ana’s hospital stays have shortened over time.
Ana’s first hospital stay was almost 2 months; she came home for 10 days and had to go back to the hospital for another 4 weeks. Then she was home for a month and went back for about 10 days. She came home for a little bit more than a month and had to go back to Baptist for 6 days. This time she was home for more than 4 months and went to Baptist for about 30 hours. Quite an improvement!!!!
There are so many aspects to dealing with such a long and complicated recovery.
During the worst stages of her sickness I ended up putting on about 22 pounds. The sleepless nights were very difficult to cope with and I would try to calm the anxiety with ice cream, chocolates and other sweets I normally never eat. I’m the kind of person who really has no sweet tooth what so ever. So all of a sudden I was pounding the sugary stuff. On top of that I went from playing a few hours of tennis 4 times a week to maybe playing one hour every two weeks. Things are better now and I’ve lost about 9 of those 22 pounds already, I’ll be back to normal weight in short.
I haven’t been able to really work in almost 11 months. I’ve done a few odds and ends here and there but nothing substantial and I need to desperately get back to producing income. At this point I don’t even have dust in my pockets. About 6 weeks ago I was starting to get back into working; I was starting to call some clients and making appointments. All of a sudden we started with the hyperbaric therapy and it was all over. That therapy is doing Ana a lot of good but it just completely kills my day. We’ve made it to here against all odds and Ana only has 8 sessions left so hopefully I should start producing income in short.
The day Ana was declared in remission was absolutely remarkable. It was the type of day that you never ever forget. The ones you can remember every single detail about. I mean the odors, the time on the clock, the clothes you had on are like multiple pieces that all come together and just frame that one priceless instant in your soul forever. On August 5th I was able to send you a few lines just to let you know the good news but I had no real way of expressing the full impact of the update. It still sends goose bumps all over my body, but I’ll do my best to describe the events.
That day during the first week of August we went to see doctor Kaywin totally convinced that he was going to tell us that Ana was in remission. In April all her tests indicated no Cancer activity whatsoever. We didn’t talk about it publically because we needed the same result 90 days later to confirm the state of remission, so we did our best to keep it quiet and didn’t allow anyone to know about our growing confidence and euphoria.
We had all her tests done the last week of July and we were going to the Dr.’s office so he could tell us the results. We were so confident we were afraid of being arrogant about it. We could both see Ana’s progress and how well she was feeling. None of the warning signs that Dr. Kaywin asked me to be aware of ever showed up between April and the last week of July. So in spite of our confidence, when Dr. Kaywin sort of dilly dallied commenting on Ana’s latest test results I was invaded by panic. All of a sudden I was desperate to know what he wasn’t telling us; I was questioning how we could be so unlucky and why Dr. Kaywin who is so direct and clear in his speech was sounding dubious and evasive. On the verge of tears I blurted out “Dr Kaywin I don’t know what you’re talking about, what does all this mean? Is there something you don’t know how to tell us?” He just looked up and he fixed his eyes on mine and pronounced those magical words “On the contrary this is wonderful news, it means Ana is in complete and absolute remission”. I felt a rush similar to the one you get when you almost crash your car, but this was 1000 times stronger. I simply broke down in borderline hysterical tears, the uncountable sleepless nights, the images of bewilderment of our children, the images of Ana’s suffering, her screams of pain, her almost lifeless body, the anxiety on the faces of countless friends and visitors, the apprehension of family members all flashed in my mind. Each one of those memories exploded in my brain and disappeared in thin air just like giant sky rockets at a huge fireworks show. The tension, anxiety, uncertainty and stress of the previous 8 months just swept thru me. My knees felt weak, legs turned to jelly and I had to hold on to Dr. Kaywin’s examining table, I felt I was fainting for about half a second and with the same intensity all of a sudden a bolt of joyous energy just plowed thru me and I was up bouncing on my feet and hugging Ana with all my might. We were both crying telling each other how much we love each other and at the same time hugging Dr. Kaywin whom even shed a few tears. The only time I felt a similar joyously emotional surge was when our children were born and that was not as overwhelming as the release I felt with the confirmation of Ana’s remission.
From the Dr.’s office we went to pick up Chiara our 10 year old daughter at her cheerleading practice camp. I went to get her and left Ana in our van waiting. We wanted to tell our children the magnificent news when they were all together. However as soon as I had Chiara in front of me I couldn’t hold it back. I kneeled down got face to face with her. We were on a school playground; we were surrounded by her friends and a group of mom’s from her school who had also gone to pick up their daughters. Everyone was in the same general area, with a certain degree of togetherness but each person was in their own little world.
I simply told Chiara “We just came from the Dr’s office and mommy has no more Cancer in her body”. She started screaming, crying jumping and hugging me, everyone around us was completely bewildered. I’ll never forget those faces staring at us and obviously according to their non verbal expressions most thought something was horribly wrong. This is regretfully a reflection of how society has taught us to react. We see someone overcome in emotion and if we don’t know what’s really happening we automatically think something bad occurred. It took a few instants for all those startled little girls and moms to understand that Chiara was spinning in circles and screaming out “My mommy has no more Cancer!!!! My mommy has no more Cancer!!!!”, there was a minor stall in time, a moment of complete inaction and then the words sunk into all those people and we were swarmed in hugs, smiles, congratulations and all sorts of greetings. Words like “miracle”, “thank God”, “hallelujah”, “I can’t believe it” were just sounding out all over.
Before I could realize what was going on Chiara had disappeared, vanished completely. One mom understood I was looking for her and all she said was a typical movie line “she went that way” while pointing her index finger towards the parking lot. When I caught up with Chiara, she had dived in head first to the passenger seat of our van and was entwined with Ana simply crying her eyes out, her little chest heaving so hard it looked like it would explode. Ana was in a similar state and both were repeating endlessly “I love you, I love you, I love you” to each other. Absolutely beautiful.
Eric was thrilled by the news, but reacted in a calmer way than Chiara which is understandable since it plays into their different personalities just fine. Sophia didn’t really react since she’s still too small to manage the concepts and notions of life, death, sickness and recovery.
These months have also required a lot of readapting. The anxiety of Ana dying has dissipated and has turned into a more subtle nervousness about suffering a relapse. It’s not that I spend all my days and nights thinking about a relapse but it does seep into the mind with certain consistency. When this happens all of sudden I become very self conscious of how close we were to losing Ana, all sorts of doubts about being able to go thru another battle just grind my confidence. Usually after a while I start remembering where we were around Christmas and how well she’s doing now, I remember we had the odds so highly stacked against us that I just erase any thought of relapses, I look forward focusing on the good and remember the real goal Ana and I have put into our minds. We will meet our grandchildren together and on this Earth.
Ana responded incredibly well to all the initial treatments, so if regretfully she does have a relapse we still have a whole lot of tools available that were never even used. So if push comes to shove I know we still have a lot of fight left in us.
The children have recovered their mother, she helps them with their homework, reminds them to brush their teeth, eat their vegetables and all the other motherly memory reminders you can think of. She’s there for a good morning hug, an afternoon smile and the goodnight kiss. The only difference is they come to her bed instead of Ana going to theirs. The order of the factors may change but it still is the same result, happy children and a fulfilled mother.
The children have also recovered mommy in a deeper way too. Before remission they would doubt a lot of the things she said or instructions she gave. For example Ana would say “Go brush your teeth and go to sleep”. They would instantly come to me and ask me if that was ok or if they had to obey mommy; as if their insecurity regarding Ana’s life made them unsure about her authority within the family structure. I obviously would back Ana up and make a point of reinforcing the idea no matter how sick mommy had been she is their mom and they need to obey her. Since Ana was declared in remission they never did that again. It’s as if the reaffirmation of Ana’s survival in their minds made her authority and her position in the family structure comeback to life in their psyches.
During the last four months, as if Ana’s recovery from Cancer wasn’t enough to keep me busy, my mom was also diagnosed with breast Cancer. Thank God, hers was detected almost miraculously soon. She had a miniscule tumor the size of a grain of corn. She got it removed with surgery, it didn’t spread anywhere. She finished with her radiation last week. She’s doing great and should have no mid or long term issues with it due to the earliness of the detection.
These months of silence have been a way of looking back and reviewing many aspects of our lives. While you’re in the battle you just push and fight without thinking too much. Your goal is surviving and all you do is about that one objective. You don’t have time for thought. When the anxiety of survival is put on hold reflection takes over. You go thru moments of depression. It’s a bit like soldiers when they comeback from war. They’re up to the task while in combat, but once they’re home and the enormousness of what they’ve had to face sinks in, they need a downtime to process it. You end up auditing every facet of your life and it’s not an easy process. You end up questioning even the most trivial aspects about the way you do things
In my case, among other things I’ve discovered a real interest in healthier habits. I believe that at home we’ve always been quite healthy. We’ve always had a lot of vegetables, fruits, fish, pastas and barely any fried foods. We’ve never smoked and only indulged in an occasional barbecue, red meats bacon etc. There is however a lot of room for improvement. We’ve changed to whole rice and whole wheat pastas. I’ve changed plain coffee for the organic kind and green tea. When we sit down for a meal with the children, before eating all five of us in turn tell the rest out loud what we’re happy and or grateful about or something positive that we experienced that day. The list of changes is longer but you’re probably getting the idea by now.
Way before Ana got sick I was a volunteer for the American Cancer Society. I started seven years ago in gratitude for my dad surviving Cancer his second time, and in memory of my grandmother who didn’t survive her second time. Now my motivation to do something about Cancer is greater than ever. I ask all of you to help fight this horrible disease to the best of your abilities and please don’t get upset if in the future you get quite a few messages about supporting the cause.
What else can I say? Not much and by the same token I could go on for hours more. These 11 months seem as if they’ve gone by in a snap and at the same time feel like they’ve been part of my life for the very 44 years my existence. It’s certainly been a life changing experience but life hasn’t really changed. I’ve adored Ana since day one, that hasn’t changed. Our children are the axis of our lives, and that hasn’t changed. I’ve always loved socializing, music, reading and sports, especially water sports and tennis; that hasn’t changed either. The only change is my angle of vision has rotated a few degrees.
I’m still in awe of all the messages full of love, blessings and support we have received and continue to receive. I’ve never really had the time and energy to write back to each and every one of you, but I can assure that I’ve read every single line, and cherish every single word. There are quite a few major lessons from this experience. It’s an education you don’t want to receive, but when you get it, it proves to be very useful. For now I’ll mention just two of those lessons. First of all there’s a lot more good in the world than what we think and allow ourselves to see on a daily basis. Two, if you ask for help, you will get it.
Once again as a family we’re so grateful for all the love, prayers and support we’ve received from so many from literally all over the world.
I hope we can somehow give back at least 1% of all that we received.
If anyone any of you may know is ever affected by Cancer and you think talking with me can be helpful please don’t hesitate to contact me. I’m more than willing to go meet or spend all the time in the world on the phone with Cancer patients, family members and or caregivers.
In the last few months I have spoken with just a handful of people affected by the disease. I feel that after all I’ve been thru I can provide help, insight and some decent advice. I can’t cure any body; I can only provide some conversation that just might help cope a little bit better. No matter how small my contribution has been with the few people I’ve spoken to, it sure has felt great giving back.
Thank you
Victor
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Novedades Ana 034 27 de Octubre 2009 (Español)
27 de Octubre de 2009
Hola Todos
Ha pasado mucho tiempo sin escribir noticias sobre Ana y su increíble camino hacia la recuperación. La última vez fue el 5 de Agosto cuando les informé que fue declarada en remisión absoluta y completa. Quisiera aclarar el término, remisión significa que no hay actividad cancerigena.
Después del enorme alivio que produjo su remisión la verdad es que necesitaba un descanso. Sentí una verdadera necesidad de desconectarme de todo. De ninguna manera quiero sonar ingrato con todo el apoyo que hemos recibido de tantas personas; todo lo contrario, continuamente le muestro a Ana las tarjetas, las cartas, los e-mails y los regalos acumulados en estos casi once meses. Simplemente necesitaba un tiempo en silencio y por ende no estuve escribiendo últimamente. Espero que ninguno haya sentido que nos hemos olvidado de todo lo recibido de tantas personas ahora que Ana se siente mejor.
Desde su declaración de remisión han ocurrido muchísimas cosas, pero antes de contarles eso, empecemos con la información más importante.
¡Ana está fenomenalmente bien! Camina por toda la planta baja de nuestra casa con su andador sin problema alguno. Según su terapista física en 45 á 60 días debería estar caminando sin su andador. Su equilibrio está bien, pero aún le falta un poco de trabajo. Para tener equilibrio perfecto normal debe fortalecer especialmente los músculos lumbares, abdominales y los glúteos. La fuerza de sus piernas fue evaluada con un muy buen puntaje de 3,8 sobre 5 por su terapista. La necesidad más apremiante es recuperar su resistencia. Se cansa después de quince o veinte minutos de caminar continuamente o estar parada. Puede hacer muchísimas cosas de la vida diaria pero requiere ayuda cuando involucra coordinación fina. A pesar de poder trasladarse libremente tiene severas limitaciones en cuanto a su funcionalidad cotidiana. Por ejemplo, ella puede comer usando su tenedor, pero yo debo cortarle la comida. Ella puede abrir la puerta de la heladera (nevera para los no argentinos) pero no es capaz de servirse un vaso de jugo.
Su movilidad es lo suficientemente buena como para no haber usado su silla de ruedas hace más de dos meses. ¡Esa cosa solamente está acumulando polvo en nuestro garaje!
En pisos planos se mueve sin inconvenientes, las escaleras son otra cosa. Sube los cuatro escalones hasta nuestra puerta de entrada sin problema. Yo no la ayudo, pero la acompaño por si acaso pierde el equilibrio.
Debido a la ceguera de su ojo izquierdo y los problemas mencionados con el equilibrio es muy difícil para ella descender las escaleras, pero mejora poquito a poquito de manera diaria. Su equilibrio mejorará con los ejercicios, no hay impedimentos neurológicos para recuperarlo completamente. Ella estuvo seis meses en cama y silla de ruedas y lleva mucho tiempo recuperar completamente la movilidad.
Sus manos y brazos requieren bastante trabajo aún y son el impedimento más grande para su funcionalidad completa. La mano y brazo derechos están al 40%. Ese lado del cuerpo estuvo afectado por el derrame cerebral que tuvo al poco tiempo de la cirugía para extraerle unos de los tumores cerebrales. La mano y el brazo izquierdos están al 75%.
Su humor y estado de ánimo están muy bien. Grandioso es una mejor descripción. Todo está enfocado para mirar hacia un futuro mejor. Aún no recuerda nada de lo acontecido entre el 2 de Diciembre y el 18 de Marzo que en realidad es una bendición enorme para ella. En realidad espero que nunca se acuerde de nada de ese período. Mis recuerdos sobran para los dos.
Desde Agosto ha pasado mucha agua bajo el puente.
Hemos estado de aquí para allá siguiendo las terapias para prevenir una recaída. Ella recibe la droga “Herceptim” cada 21 días y “Arredea” cada 28. No son drogas de quimioterapia, son básicamente tratamientos del tipo inmunológicos.
Su recuperación tiene tantos aspectos que podría escribir docenas y docenas de páginas. Tenemos un flujo constante de citas con otorrinolaringólogos, oftalmólogos, cardiólogos, neurocirujanos, oncólogos, terapistas físicos etc. Cada cita consume tiempo y termina convirtiéndose en un debate, ya que cada especialista tiene sus recomendaciones increíblemente bien justificadas y explicadas, que invariablemente contradicen las recomendaciones de por lo menos uno de los otros especialistas cuyas recomendaciones sonaron tan convincentes y lógicos como el anterior. Puede ser bastante confuso. ¿Cómo lidiamos con todo esto? Simplemente seguimos empujando hacia delante de la misma manera que lo hacíamos durante los días más oscuros de este proceso. Tratando de encontrar el equilibrio entre las opciones, siguiendo aquello que suena racionalmente sólido, pero que a su vez va de acuerdo a nuestros instintos y sentimientos guturales. Nuestros cuerpos nos hablan mucho más de lo que nos damos cuenta, es cuestión de aprender a escuchar mejor.
El asunto más difícil ha sido la herida que Ana tiene en la parte superior de la cabeza. Donde antes tenía el puerto “Ommaya Reservoir” a través del cual recibió la quimioterapia que iba directo a su líquido cefálico. La piel de la cabeza quedó muy debilitada como consecuencia de la radiación que recibió para combatir los tumores cerebrales. La piel ha perdido su habilidad de cicatrización. Desde Marzo cuando fue removido el puerto que hemos pasado por un continuo proceso de sanación frustrada.
Entre los intentos de curarle dicha herida en Mayo se le puso una pequeña placa de titanio ya que en ese momento estaba filtrando liquido cefálico a través de la pared craneal, además le dieron numerosos puntos de sutura tratando de unir la piel. Los puntos no lograron unir la piel, por ende la herida nunca cerró y se convirtió en una costra del tamaño de una moneda de un dólar permaneciendo básicamente inerte desde entonces.
Hace unas seis semanas el neurocirujano decidió que probemos medicina hiperbárica. Hago buceo y siempre supe que nunca quieres estar en una cámara hiperbárica, significa que tuviste un accidente de buceo y sufres “the bends” o sea el síndrome de descompresión. A pesar de mi prejuicio inicial aprendí que la cámara hiperbárica tiene gran aplicación en la terapia de heridas cuando hay problemas de sanación en casos como el de Ana como consecuencia de la radiación que recibió, también se usa mucho con diabéticos, hemofílicos y en víctimas de quemaduras severas.
Dentro de la cámara el paciente recibe oxigeno puro a dos atmósferas y media de presión. Es como recibir oxigeno al 1500% en vez del 20 á 22% que respiramos normalmente. Esto revitaliza todas las células de su cuerpo, pero especialmente los capilares sanguíneos que fueron dañados durante la terapia de rayos. Al mejorar la circulación sanguínea en la zona afectada, cualquier tipo de herida sana mejor. Realmente el cambio en la herida de Ana es notable. La terapia hiperbárica también le ha estimulado el crecimiento del cabello y se ven efectos positivos en la piel de todo el cuerpo de Ana. Pareciera que la medicina hiperbárica también ha estimulado su estado general. Tiene más energía y esta más vivaz que nunca.
La medicina hiperbárica tiene sus contratiempos. Desde mediados de Septiembre vamos todos los días a las sesiones de dos horas al “South Miami Hospital”, pero si sumamos el tiempo de viaje, el tiempo que insume poner y sacar la vestimenta especial que debe usar etc. Esto se transforma en un proceso de 3 horas y media diarias. Encima casi todos los días tenemos una aunque a veces dos citas adicionales con diferentes médicos.
La logística involucrada en llevar a Ana a tantas citas diferentes, terapias, análisis continuos, y especialmente la medicina hiperbárica de las últimas seis semanas y encima lidiar con nuestros tres hijos es realmente agotador. Ella está realmente muy bien al igual que nuestros hijos entonces todo esto vale el 101% del esfuerzo realizado, pero se siente. No quiero parecer el héroe ni la víctima, el otro día le comenté a un amigo “La logística para que Ana esté tan bien me está matando a mí”. Nos quedan 8 sesiones de medicina hiperbárica por ende a partir del primer jueves de Noviembre habremos terminado y con un poco de suerte retomaremos un ritmo de vida más normal. Tendremos que seguir viendo a otros doctores pero no iremos más al “South Miami Hospital”.
Hace unas semanas Ana volvió al Baptist Hospital para que le realicen una pequeña intervención quirúrgica. Luego de las primeras catorce sesiones de medicina hiperbárica el neurocirujano quiso hacer una limpieza profunda de la herida, remover la costra y sacar la plaqueta de titanio. Suena bastante simple pero debe hacerse en el ambiente estéril de la sala de cirugía y bajo anestesia general. Fue una estadía bien corta de un día. Sin embargo volver a internarse aunque sea por pocas horas me trajo a la memoria toda una serie de recuerdos no muy gratos. Lo positivo fue ver como se han ido acortando las estadías de Ana en el hospital.
La primera vez, Ana estuvo internada casi dos meses; volvió a casa por diez días y tuvo que volver al hospital por cuatros semanas más. Volvió a casa por un mes y tuvo que internarse por unos diez días. Después ella volvió a casa por más de un mes y fue al Baptist por seis días. Esta vez estuvo en casa por más de cuatro meses y estuvo en el Baptist por unas treinta horas. Una mejoría notable.
Un proceso de recuperación tan largo y complicado como el de Ana tiene muchísimos aspectos.
Durante los peores momentos de este proceso engordé unas 22 libras o 9 kilos. Era muy difícil soportar las noches de insomnio y trataba de calmar mi ansiedad con helados, chocolates y otros dulces que normalmente no como. Soy una persona que rara vez come cosas dulces. Repentinamente estaba dándole durísimo a todo lo azucarado. Además pasé de jugar varias horas de tenis cuatro veces por semana a quizás una hora cada dos semanas. Las cosas están mejor, ya perdí 9 de esas 22 libras o sea 4 kilos, en breve estaré en mi peso normal.
Casi no he podido trabajar en estos casi once meses. Estuve haciendo algunas cositas sueltas de vez en cuando pero nada sustancial. Necesito de manera casi desesperada volver a generar ingresos. A esta altura ni siquiera tengo suciedad en los bolsillos. Hace seis semanas estaba comenzando a trabajar otra vez, estaba llamando clientes y haciendo citas. De repente tuvimos que empezar con la medicina hiperbárica y se terminó todo. Esa medicina le hace muy bien a Ana, pero me destroza completamente el día. Contra todos los pronósticos hemos llegado hasta aquí, le quedan solamente ocho sesiones a Ana por ende debería empezar a generar ingresos en breve.
El día que la declararon en remisión a Ana fue absolutamente increíble. Fue de esos días que jamás se olvidan, de los cuales nos acordamos hasta los detalles más pequeños. Los aromas, la hora en el reloj, la ropa que uno lleva son como piezas que terminan formando un cuadro que terminan por enmarcar ese momento inolvidable en nuestras almas para siempre. El 5 de Agosto les mandé unas líneas para informar las buenas noticias pero en ese momento realmente no tenía como expresarles el impacto real producido por las novedades. Aún hoy me produce piel de gallina en todo el cuerpo, pero haré lo mejor posible para describir los acontecimientos.
Fuimos a ver al doctor Kaywin ese día de la primera semana de Agosto totalmente convencidos que nos confirmaría el estado de remisión de Ana. Los exámenes realizados en Abril ya habían dado que no había actividad cancerígena en el cuerpo de Ana. Nunca hablamos públicamente de esto, ya que necesitábamos el mismo resultado 90 días más tarde para poder confirmar el estado de remisión. Hicimos lo mejor posible para mantenernos callados y no permitimos que nadie se enterara de nuestra creciente confianza y euforia.
Hicimos todos los estudios durante la última semana de Julio e íbamos al consultorio del doctor Kaywin para que nos informara de los resultados. Teníamos tanta confianza que nos daba miedo caer en la arrogancia. Ambos veíamos el progreso y lo bien que se sentía Ana. Entre Abril y la ultima semana de Julio no apareció una sola de las señales de alerta que el doctor Kaywin me había pedido que controle. A pesar de nuestra confianza por algún motivo ese día el doctor dio vueltas en su explicación y a mi me invadió el pánico. De repente tenía desesperación por saber aquello que no nos estaba contando, empecé a maldecir nuestra mala suerte, no entendía como el doctor Kaywin siendo normalmente alguien tan directo y sin vueltas en sus palabras sonaba tan dubitativo y evasivo. Al borde de las lagrimas le dije “Doctor, no entiendo de lo que habla. ¿Qué significa todo esto? ¿Hay algo que no quiere o no sabe como decirnos?”. Levantó la vista, fijó sus ojos sobre los míos y pronunció esa palabras mágicas “Todo lo contrario, estas son noticias maravillosas, esto significa que Ana está en remisión competa y absoluta”. Sentí una oleada similar a lo que sentimos cuando casi chocamos el automóvil pero mil veces más fuerte. Simplemente me resquebrajé en lágrimas que bordeaban la histeria. Todas esas interminables noches sin dormir, las imágenes de desazón de nuestros hijos, las imágenes de Ana sufriendo, el sonido de sus gritos de dolor, su cuerpo casi sin vida, los recuerdos de la ansiedad en los incontables rostros de amigos y visitantes, la angustia de diferentes familiares hicieron flash en mi mente. Cada recuerdo explotó en mi cerebro y se desvanecieron en el aire como cohetes gigantes en una exhibición increíble de fuegos artificiales. La tensión, la ansiedad, la incertidumbre y la angustia de los 8 meses previos me atravesaron. Sentí debilidad en mis rodillas, mis piernas se volvieron gelatina y me tuvo que sostener en la camilla del consultorio del doctor Kaywin. Durante medio segundo sentí que me desmayaba y casi con la misma intensidad sentí que me penetraba un rayo de energía jovial y sin darme cuenta estaba rebotando sobre mis pies, abrazando a Ana con todas mis fuerzas. Ambos llorábamos, nos decíamos cuanto nos amamos y a su vez abrazábamos al doctor Kaywin quien inclusive se permitió derramar algunas lágrimas. La única vez que sentí una alegría semejante fue cuando nacieron nuestros hijos, pero esa emoción no fue tan abrumadora como el alivio que sentí con la confirmación de la remisión de Ana.
De la oficina del doctor fuimos a buscar a nuestra hija de diez años Chiara. Estaba en su campo de entrenamiento de “cheerleading”. La dejé a Ana esperando en la camioneta mientras buscaba a Chiara. Queríamos esperar que nuestros hijos estuvieran todos juntos para decirles la maravillosa noticia. Ni bien la tuve a Chiara delante mío no me pude contener. Me incliné quedando rostro a rostro. Estábamos en el patio de la escuela, rodeados por sus amigas y un grupo de las madres de la escuela, quienes habían ido a recoger a sus hijas también. Todos estaban en la misma zona, había una cierta unidad grupal pero a su vez cada persona estaba en su propio mundo.
Simplemente le dije a Chiara “Venimos de la oficina del doctor y mami no tiene más Cáncer en su cuerpo”. Empezó a gritar, a llorar, a saltar y me abrazaba, toda la gente a nuestro alrededor miraban asombrados. Jamás olvidaré esas caras, nos miraban atónitos, obviamente por sus expresiones no verbales, la mayoría pensaba que algo estaba horriblemente mal. Lamentablemente esto es el reflejo de nuestra sociedad y como nos enseñan a reaccionar. Vemos a alguien sobrepasado de emoción y sin saber realmente de que se trata automáticamente pensamos que algo malo ocurrió. Le llevó unos instantes a todas esa niñas y madres darse cuenta que mientras Chiara giraba en círculos estaba gritando “¡Mi mamá ya no tiene Cáncer! ¡Mi mamá no tiene Cáncer!”, hubo un párate en el tiempo, un instante de absoluta inacción y esas palabras hicieron mella en toda esa gente, reaccionaron y fuimos aplastados en abrazos, sonrisas, felicitaciones y toda clase de saludos. En el aire repiqueteaban palabras como “milagro” “aleluya” “gracias a Dios” y “no lo puedo creer”.
Antes que pudiera darme cuenta de todo lo que ocurría Chiara había desaparecido, se desvaneció por completo. Una madre entendió que no la encontraba y me dijo una típica frase de película “Se fue por allá” mientras señalaba la playa de estacionamiento con su dedo índice. Cuando logré alcanzar a Chiara, se había tirado de cabeza al asiento de pasajero de nuestra camioneta y estaba enredada con Ana llorando a mares, su pecho parecía que iba a explotar de tanto que se inflaba y vaciaba. Ambas se decían mutuamente “Te quiero, te quiero, te quiero” sin parar. Absolutamente hermoso.
Eric se puso contentísimo con la noticia pero sin la euforia exhibida por Chiara, lo cual es completamente entendible ya que va de acuerdo a las personalidades de cada uno. Sophia no reaccionó mucho ya que todavía no entiende conceptos como vida, muerte, enfermedad y recuperación en toda su dimensión.
Estos meses han requerido mucha readaptación. La ansiedad sobre la muerte de Ana se ha disipado y se ha convertido en un nerviosismo más sutil sobre la posibilidad de sufrir una recaída. No paso mis días y noches pensando sobre esa posible recaída, pero la idea ingresa a mi mente con cierta consistencia. Cuando esto sucede me vuelvo muy aprensivo y me acuerdo cuan cerca estuvimos de perder a Ana, nacen toda clase de dudas unilaterales sobre la capacidad de enfrentar una nueva batalla contra el Cáncer que demuelen mi confianza. Normalmente después de un rato empiezo a recordar donde estábamos en Navidad y lo bien que anda Ana ahora, me acuerdo cuan en contra teníamos las estadísticas y simplemente borro todo pensamiento sobre recaídas. Miro para adelante y hago foco en la verdadera meta que Ana y yo nos hemos puesto. Conoceremos a nuestros nietos juntos y en la Tierra.
Ana respondió de una manera increíblemente bien a los tratamientos iniciales que le realizaron, por ende si lamentablemente tuviera una recaída aún disponemos de toda una serie de herramientas que jamás hemos usado. Si llegáramos a esa situación todavía nos queda mucha lucha por dar. Además en el caso de Ana se aplica el dicho “yerba mala nunca muere”.
Los chicos han recuperado a su madre, ella los ayuda con los deberes, les recuerda que deben lavarse los dientes, comer sus vegetales, y todas las demás ayuda memorias maternales que se les puedan ocurrir. Ella está presente para el abrazo de la mañana, la sonrisa de la tarde y el beso de las buenas noches. El único cambio es que ellos deben venir a la cama de Ana en vez de Ana ir a las camas de ellos. El orden de los factores puede cambiar, pero el resultado es el mismo. Esto es niños felices y madre satisfecha.
Los chicos han recuperado a su madre en una manera mucho más profunda también. Antes de la remisión ellos dudaban de muchas cosas que Ana pudiera decir o instrucciones que pudiera dar. Por ejemplo si ella decía “A lavarse los dientes y a la cama”. Enseguida venían y me preguntaban si eso estaba bien y si tenían que obedecer a la madre, como si la inseguridad que sentían con respecto a la supervivencia de Ana les quitara seguridad en cuanto a su autoridad dentro de la estructura familiar. Obviamente yo la respaldaba a Ana haciendo hincapié en el hecho que ella es su mamá sin importar cuan enferma haya estado y que deben hacerle caso. Después que Ana fue declarada en remisión nunca más hicieron ese tipo de planteo. Como si al confirmarse la supervivencia de Ana en sus mentes, su autoridad y su posición dentro de la estructura familiar volvieron a su lugar dentro de sus psiquis.
Como si no tuviera lo suficiente con el proceso de recuperación de Ana para mantenerme ocupado, hace 4 meses mi madre también fue diagnosticada con cáncer de seno. Gracias a Dios el de ella fue detectado milagrosamente temprano. Tenia un tumor minúsculo del tamaño de un grano de maíz. Se lo sacaron por cirugía, por suerte no se había expandido a ninguna otra parte. La semana pasada terminó con su terapia de rayos. Se siente muy bien y no debería tener problemas a mediano o largo plazo debido a la precocidad de la detección.
Estos meses de silencio sirven para mirar hacia atrás y revisar muchos aspectos de nuestras vidas. En el fragor de la batalla simplemente empujas y peleas sin pensar demasiado. Tu meta es sobrevivir y toda actividad gira alrededor de ese objetivo único. No hay tiempo para el pensamiento profundo. Cuando se logra poner en pausa la ansiedad de la supervivencia, la reflexión comienza a dominar tu mente. Terminas pasando por momentos de depresión. Es como los soldados cuando vuelven de la guerra. Mientras están en el combate pueden perfectamente con la tarea, pero una vez que vuelven a casa y la enormidad de lo que tuvieron que enfrentar les pega de lleno necesitan un tiempo en calma para procesarlo. Terminas por hacer una auditoria de cada aspecto de tu vida y no es un proceso fácil. Terminas por dudar hasta de las cosas más simples de tu vida y tu manera de realizarlas.
En mi caso he descubierto un verdadero interés en costumbres más saludables. Creo que siempre fuimos bastante saludables en casa. Siempre hemos comido muchos vegetales, frutas, pescado, pastas, y casi nada frito. Jamás hemos fumado y de manera ocasional comemos algún asado, carnes rojas, panceta etc. Sin embargo siempre hay espacio para mejorar. Hemos cambiado por arroz y pastas integrales. Cambie el café común por uno orgánico y el te verde. Cuando nos sentamos a comer con los chicos, antes de comenzar cada uno de los cinco tiene su turno para contarle al resto algo positivo, o algo que cause gratitud o algo que nos haya hecho felices durante el día. Hay más cambios en la lista pero creo que se dan cuenta de que se trata.
Mucho antes que Ana se enfermara yo era voluntario de la “American Cancer Society”. Comencee hace siete años en gratitud por la supervivencia por segunda vez de mi papá, y como un homenaje a mi abuela que no sobrevivió su segunda vez contra el cáncer. Mi motivación para luchar contra el cáncer es mucho más fuerte que antes. Les pido a todos que hagan lo mejor que puedan para luchar contra esta enfermedad y no se enojen si en el futuro reciben numerosos mensajes de mi parte para apoyar esta causa.
¿Qué más les puedo contar? Por un lado no tengo mucho más para contar y a su vez podría seguir por horas. Parece que estos casi once meses hubieran pasado en un instante y a su vez parecieran que formaran parte de mi mismísima existencia desde hace 44 años. Ciertamente ha sido una experiencia que me cambió la vida, pero a su vez la vida no cambia. La adoré a Ana desde el primer día que la conocí, eso no cambió. Nuestros hijos son el eje de nuestras vidas, y eso no cambió. Siempre me gustó socializar, la música, leer y los deportes, especialmente los deportes acuáticos y el tenis; nada de eso cambió. El único cambio es el ángulo mi visión ha rotado algunos grados.
Sigo asombrado por tantos mensajes llenos de amor, bendiciones y plegarias que hemos recibido y que continuamos recibiendo. Nunca tuve el tiempo ni la energía de contestarle a cada uno de ustedes cada uno de esos mensajes, sin embargo les aseguro que he leído cada renglón y aprecio profundamente cada una de sus palabras. Hay varias lecciones muy importantes de toda esta experiencia. Es una educación que nadie desea recibir, pero una vez que se recibe se comprueba que es muy útil. Por ahora solamente haré mención de dos de esas lecciones. Primero, hay mucha más bondad en este mundo de la que pensamos y más de la que nosotros nos permitimos ver. Segundo, si piden ayuda, la recibirán.
Una vez más quiero expresar la enorme gratitud que tenemos como familia por haber recibido tanto amor, plegaria y apoyo de tantas personas literalmente en todo el mundo.
Espero que algún día podamos retribuir aunque sea el 1% de lo recibido.
Si alguna persona que ustedes conocen es afectada por el cáncer y piensan que puedo ser de ayuda conversando con ellos no duden en contactarme. Tengo toda la buena voluntad en reunirme o pasarme las horas que sean necesarias al teléfono con pacientes de cáncer, sus familiares o quienes los cuidan.
En los últimos meses he hablado con un puñado de personas afectadas por esta enfermedad. Después de lo vivido honestamente creo que puedo dar ayuda, y buenos consejos. No puedo curar a nadie, sólo puedo ofrecer conversación que quizás ayude a enfrentar un poco mejor esta situación. Sin importarme cuan pequeña haya sido la ayuda que le pude ofrecer a las pocas personas con las que hablé, realmente me hizo sentir muy bien retribuir en algo.
Gracias
Victor
Hola Todos
Ha pasado mucho tiempo sin escribir noticias sobre Ana y su increíble camino hacia la recuperación. La última vez fue el 5 de Agosto cuando les informé que fue declarada en remisión absoluta y completa. Quisiera aclarar el término, remisión significa que no hay actividad cancerigena.
Después del enorme alivio que produjo su remisión la verdad es que necesitaba un descanso. Sentí una verdadera necesidad de desconectarme de todo. De ninguna manera quiero sonar ingrato con todo el apoyo que hemos recibido de tantas personas; todo lo contrario, continuamente le muestro a Ana las tarjetas, las cartas, los e-mails y los regalos acumulados en estos casi once meses. Simplemente necesitaba un tiempo en silencio y por ende no estuve escribiendo últimamente. Espero que ninguno haya sentido que nos hemos olvidado de todo lo recibido de tantas personas ahora que Ana se siente mejor.
Desde su declaración de remisión han ocurrido muchísimas cosas, pero antes de contarles eso, empecemos con la información más importante.
¡Ana está fenomenalmente bien! Camina por toda la planta baja de nuestra casa con su andador sin problema alguno. Según su terapista física en 45 á 60 días debería estar caminando sin su andador. Su equilibrio está bien, pero aún le falta un poco de trabajo. Para tener equilibrio perfecto normal debe fortalecer especialmente los músculos lumbares, abdominales y los glúteos. La fuerza de sus piernas fue evaluada con un muy buen puntaje de 3,8 sobre 5 por su terapista. La necesidad más apremiante es recuperar su resistencia. Se cansa después de quince o veinte minutos de caminar continuamente o estar parada. Puede hacer muchísimas cosas de la vida diaria pero requiere ayuda cuando involucra coordinación fina. A pesar de poder trasladarse libremente tiene severas limitaciones en cuanto a su funcionalidad cotidiana. Por ejemplo, ella puede comer usando su tenedor, pero yo debo cortarle la comida. Ella puede abrir la puerta de la heladera (nevera para los no argentinos) pero no es capaz de servirse un vaso de jugo.
Su movilidad es lo suficientemente buena como para no haber usado su silla de ruedas hace más de dos meses. ¡Esa cosa solamente está acumulando polvo en nuestro garaje!
En pisos planos se mueve sin inconvenientes, las escaleras son otra cosa. Sube los cuatro escalones hasta nuestra puerta de entrada sin problema. Yo no la ayudo, pero la acompaño por si acaso pierde el equilibrio.
Debido a la ceguera de su ojo izquierdo y los problemas mencionados con el equilibrio es muy difícil para ella descender las escaleras, pero mejora poquito a poquito de manera diaria. Su equilibrio mejorará con los ejercicios, no hay impedimentos neurológicos para recuperarlo completamente. Ella estuvo seis meses en cama y silla de ruedas y lleva mucho tiempo recuperar completamente la movilidad.
Sus manos y brazos requieren bastante trabajo aún y son el impedimento más grande para su funcionalidad completa. La mano y brazo derechos están al 40%. Ese lado del cuerpo estuvo afectado por el derrame cerebral que tuvo al poco tiempo de la cirugía para extraerle unos de los tumores cerebrales. La mano y el brazo izquierdos están al 75%.
Su humor y estado de ánimo están muy bien. Grandioso es una mejor descripción. Todo está enfocado para mirar hacia un futuro mejor. Aún no recuerda nada de lo acontecido entre el 2 de Diciembre y el 18 de Marzo que en realidad es una bendición enorme para ella. En realidad espero que nunca se acuerde de nada de ese período. Mis recuerdos sobran para los dos.
Desde Agosto ha pasado mucha agua bajo el puente.
Hemos estado de aquí para allá siguiendo las terapias para prevenir una recaída. Ella recibe la droga “Herceptim” cada 21 días y “Arredea” cada 28. No son drogas de quimioterapia, son básicamente tratamientos del tipo inmunológicos.
Su recuperación tiene tantos aspectos que podría escribir docenas y docenas de páginas. Tenemos un flujo constante de citas con otorrinolaringólogos, oftalmólogos, cardiólogos, neurocirujanos, oncólogos, terapistas físicos etc. Cada cita consume tiempo y termina convirtiéndose en un debate, ya que cada especialista tiene sus recomendaciones increíblemente bien justificadas y explicadas, que invariablemente contradicen las recomendaciones de por lo menos uno de los otros especialistas cuyas recomendaciones sonaron tan convincentes y lógicos como el anterior. Puede ser bastante confuso. ¿Cómo lidiamos con todo esto? Simplemente seguimos empujando hacia delante de la misma manera que lo hacíamos durante los días más oscuros de este proceso. Tratando de encontrar el equilibrio entre las opciones, siguiendo aquello que suena racionalmente sólido, pero que a su vez va de acuerdo a nuestros instintos y sentimientos guturales. Nuestros cuerpos nos hablan mucho más de lo que nos damos cuenta, es cuestión de aprender a escuchar mejor.
El asunto más difícil ha sido la herida que Ana tiene en la parte superior de la cabeza. Donde antes tenía el puerto “Ommaya Reservoir” a través del cual recibió la quimioterapia que iba directo a su líquido cefálico. La piel de la cabeza quedó muy debilitada como consecuencia de la radiación que recibió para combatir los tumores cerebrales. La piel ha perdido su habilidad de cicatrización. Desde Marzo cuando fue removido el puerto que hemos pasado por un continuo proceso de sanación frustrada.
Entre los intentos de curarle dicha herida en Mayo se le puso una pequeña placa de titanio ya que en ese momento estaba filtrando liquido cefálico a través de la pared craneal, además le dieron numerosos puntos de sutura tratando de unir la piel. Los puntos no lograron unir la piel, por ende la herida nunca cerró y se convirtió en una costra del tamaño de una moneda de un dólar permaneciendo básicamente inerte desde entonces.
Hace unas seis semanas el neurocirujano decidió que probemos medicina hiperbárica. Hago buceo y siempre supe que nunca quieres estar en una cámara hiperbárica, significa que tuviste un accidente de buceo y sufres “the bends” o sea el síndrome de descompresión. A pesar de mi prejuicio inicial aprendí que la cámara hiperbárica tiene gran aplicación en la terapia de heridas cuando hay problemas de sanación en casos como el de Ana como consecuencia de la radiación que recibió, también se usa mucho con diabéticos, hemofílicos y en víctimas de quemaduras severas.
Dentro de la cámara el paciente recibe oxigeno puro a dos atmósferas y media de presión. Es como recibir oxigeno al 1500% en vez del 20 á 22% que respiramos normalmente. Esto revitaliza todas las células de su cuerpo, pero especialmente los capilares sanguíneos que fueron dañados durante la terapia de rayos. Al mejorar la circulación sanguínea en la zona afectada, cualquier tipo de herida sana mejor. Realmente el cambio en la herida de Ana es notable. La terapia hiperbárica también le ha estimulado el crecimiento del cabello y se ven efectos positivos en la piel de todo el cuerpo de Ana. Pareciera que la medicina hiperbárica también ha estimulado su estado general. Tiene más energía y esta más vivaz que nunca.
La medicina hiperbárica tiene sus contratiempos. Desde mediados de Septiembre vamos todos los días a las sesiones de dos horas al “South Miami Hospital”, pero si sumamos el tiempo de viaje, el tiempo que insume poner y sacar la vestimenta especial que debe usar etc. Esto se transforma en un proceso de 3 horas y media diarias. Encima casi todos los días tenemos una aunque a veces dos citas adicionales con diferentes médicos.
La logística involucrada en llevar a Ana a tantas citas diferentes, terapias, análisis continuos, y especialmente la medicina hiperbárica de las últimas seis semanas y encima lidiar con nuestros tres hijos es realmente agotador. Ella está realmente muy bien al igual que nuestros hijos entonces todo esto vale el 101% del esfuerzo realizado, pero se siente. No quiero parecer el héroe ni la víctima, el otro día le comenté a un amigo “La logística para que Ana esté tan bien me está matando a mí”. Nos quedan 8 sesiones de medicina hiperbárica por ende a partir del primer jueves de Noviembre habremos terminado y con un poco de suerte retomaremos un ritmo de vida más normal. Tendremos que seguir viendo a otros doctores pero no iremos más al “South Miami Hospital”.
Hace unas semanas Ana volvió al Baptist Hospital para que le realicen una pequeña intervención quirúrgica. Luego de las primeras catorce sesiones de medicina hiperbárica el neurocirujano quiso hacer una limpieza profunda de la herida, remover la costra y sacar la plaqueta de titanio. Suena bastante simple pero debe hacerse en el ambiente estéril de la sala de cirugía y bajo anestesia general. Fue una estadía bien corta de un día. Sin embargo volver a internarse aunque sea por pocas horas me trajo a la memoria toda una serie de recuerdos no muy gratos. Lo positivo fue ver como se han ido acortando las estadías de Ana en el hospital.
La primera vez, Ana estuvo internada casi dos meses; volvió a casa por diez días y tuvo que volver al hospital por cuatros semanas más. Volvió a casa por un mes y tuvo que internarse por unos diez días. Después ella volvió a casa por más de un mes y fue al Baptist por seis días. Esta vez estuvo en casa por más de cuatro meses y estuvo en el Baptist por unas treinta horas. Una mejoría notable.
Un proceso de recuperación tan largo y complicado como el de Ana tiene muchísimos aspectos.
Durante los peores momentos de este proceso engordé unas 22 libras o 9 kilos. Era muy difícil soportar las noches de insomnio y trataba de calmar mi ansiedad con helados, chocolates y otros dulces que normalmente no como. Soy una persona que rara vez come cosas dulces. Repentinamente estaba dándole durísimo a todo lo azucarado. Además pasé de jugar varias horas de tenis cuatro veces por semana a quizás una hora cada dos semanas. Las cosas están mejor, ya perdí 9 de esas 22 libras o sea 4 kilos, en breve estaré en mi peso normal.
Casi no he podido trabajar en estos casi once meses. Estuve haciendo algunas cositas sueltas de vez en cuando pero nada sustancial. Necesito de manera casi desesperada volver a generar ingresos. A esta altura ni siquiera tengo suciedad en los bolsillos. Hace seis semanas estaba comenzando a trabajar otra vez, estaba llamando clientes y haciendo citas. De repente tuvimos que empezar con la medicina hiperbárica y se terminó todo. Esa medicina le hace muy bien a Ana, pero me destroza completamente el día. Contra todos los pronósticos hemos llegado hasta aquí, le quedan solamente ocho sesiones a Ana por ende debería empezar a generar ingresos en breve.
El día que la declararon en remisión a Ana fue absolutamente increíble. Fue de esos días que jamás se olvidan, de los cuales nos acordamos hasta los detalles más pequeños. Los aromas, la hora en el reloj, la ropa que uno lleva son como piezas que terminan formando un cuadro que terminan por enmarcar ese momento inolvidable en nuestras almas para siempre. El 5 de Agosto les mandé unas líneas para informar las buenas noticias pero en ese momento realmente no tenía como expresarles el impacto real producido por las novedades. Aún hoy me produce piel de gallina en todo el cuerpo, pero haré lo mejor posible para describir los acontecimientos.
Fuimos a ver al doctor Kaywin ese día de la primera semana de Agosto totalmente convencidos que nos confirmaría el estado de remisión de Ana. Los exámenes realizados en Abril ya habían dado que no había actividad cancerígena en el cuerpo de Ana. Nunca hablamos públicamente de esto, ya que necesitábamos el mismo resultado 90 días más tarde para poder confirmar el estado de remisión. Hicimos lo mejor posible para mantenernos callados y no permitimos que nadie se enterara de nuestra creciente confianza y euforia.
Hicimos todos los estudios durante la última semana de Julio e íbamos al consultorio del doctor Kaywin para que nos informara de los resultados. Teníamos tanta confianza que nos daba miedo caer en la arrogancia. Ambos veíamos el progreso y lo bien que se sentía Ana. Entre Abril y la ultima semana de Julio no apareció una sola de las señales de alerta que el doctor Kaywin me había pedido que controle. A pesar de nuestra confianza por algún motivo ese día el doctor dio vueltas en su explicación y a mi me invadió el pánico. De repente tenía desesperación por saber aquello que no nos estaba contando, empecé a maldecir nuestra mala suerte, no entendía como el doctor Kaywin siendo normalmente alguien tan directo y sin vueltas en sus palabras sonaba tan dubitativo y evasivo. Al borde de las lagrimas le dije “Doctor, no entiendo de lo que habla. ¿Qué significa todo esto? ¿Hay algo que no quiere o no sabe como decirnos?”. Levantó la vista, fijó sus ojos sobre los míos y pronunció esa palabras mágicas “Todo lo contrario, estas son noticias maravillosas, esto significa que Ana está en remisión competa y absoluta”. Sentí una oleada similar a lo que sentimos cuando casi chocamos el automóvil pero mil veces más fuerte. Simplemente me resquebrajé en lágrimas que bordeaban la histeria. Todas esas interminables noches sin dormir, las imágenes de desazón de nuestros hijos, las imágenes de Ana sufriendo, el sonido de sus gritos de dolor, su cuerpo casi sin vida, los recuerdos de la ansiedad en los incontables rostros de amigos y visitantes, la angustia de diferentes familiares hicieron flash en mi mente. Cada recuerdo explotó en mi cerebro y se desvanecieron en el aire como cohetes gigantes en una exhibición increíble de fuegos artificiales. La tensión, la ansiedad, la incertidumbre y la angustia de los 8 meses previos me atravesaron. Sentí debilidad en mis rodillas, mis piernas se volvieron gelatina y me tuvo que sostener en la camilla del consultorio del doctor Kaywin. Durante medio segundo sentí que me desmayaba y casi con la misma intensidad sentí que me penetraba un rayo de energía jovial y sin darme cuenta estaba rebotando sobre mis pies, abrazando a Ana con todas mis fuerzas. Ambos llorábamos, nos decíamos cuanto nos amamos y a su vez abrazábamos al doctor Kaywin quien inclusive se permitió derramar algunas lágrimas. La única vez que sentí una alegría semejante fue cuando nacieron nuestros hijos, pero esa emoción no fue tan abrumadora como el alivio que sentí con la confirmación de la remisión de Ana.
De la oficina del doctor fuimos a buscar a nuestra hija de diez años Chiara. Estaba en su campo de entrenamiento de “cheerleading”. La dejé a Ana esperando en la camioneta mientras buscaba a Chiara. Queríamos esperar que nuestros hijos estuvieran todos juntos para decirles la maravillosa noticia. Ni bien la tuve a Chiara delante mío no me pude contener. Me incliné quedando rostro a rostro. Estábamos en el patio de la escuela, rodeados por sus amigas y un grupo de las madres de la escuela, quienes habían ido a recoger a sus hijas también. Todos estaban en la misma zona, había una cierta unidad grupal pero a su vez cada persona estaba en su propio mundo.
Simplemente le dije a Chiara “Venimos de la oficina del doctor y mami no tiene más Cáncer en su cuerpo”. Empezó a gritar, a llorar, a saltar y me abrazaba, toda la gente a nuestro alrededor miraban asombrados. Jamás olvidaré esas caras, nos miraban atónitos, obviamente por sus expresiones no verbales, la mayoría pensaba que algo estaba horriblemente mal. Lamentablemente esto es el reflejo de nuestra sociedad y como nos enseñan a reaccionar. Vemos a alguien sobrepasado de emoción y sin saber realmente de que se trata automáticamente pensamos que algo malo ocurrió. Le llevó unos instantes a todas esa niñas y madres darse cuenta que mientras Chiara giraba en círculos estaba gritando “¡Mi mamá ya no tiene Cáncer! ¡Mi mamá no tiene Cáncer!”, hubo un párate en el tiempo, un instante de absoluta inacción y esas palabras hicieron mella en toda esa gente, reaccionaron y fuimos aplastados en abrazos, sonrisas, felicitaciones y toda clase de saludos. En el aire repiqueteaban palabras como “milagro” “aleluya” “gracias a Dios” y “no lo puedo creer”.
Antes que pudiera darme cuenta de todo lo que ocurría Chiara había desaparecido, se desvaneció por completo. Una madre entendió que no la encontraba y me dijo una típica frase de película “Se fue por allá” mientras señalaba la playa de estacionamiento con su dedo índice. Cuando logré alcanzar a Chiara, se había tirado de cabeza al asiento de pasajero de nuestra camioneta y estaba enredada con Ana llorando a mares, su pecho parecía que iba a explotar de tanto que se inflaba y vaciaba. Ambas se decían mutuamente “Te quiero, te quiero, te quiero” sin parar. Absolutamente hermoso.
Eric se puso contentísimo con la noticia pero sin la euforia exhibida por Chiara, lo cual es completamente entendible ya que va de acuerdo a las personalidades de cada uno. Sophia no reaccionó mucho ya que todavía no entiende conceptos como vida, muerte, enfermedad y recuperación en toda su dimensión.
Estos meses han requerido mucha readaptación. La ansiedad sobre la muerte de Ana se ha disipado y se ha convertido en un nerviosismo más sutil sobre la posibilidad de sufrir una recaída. No paso mis días y noches pensando sobre esa posible recaída, pero la idea ingresa a mi mente con cierta consistencia. Cuando esto sucede me vuelvo muy aprensivo y me acuerdo cuan cerca estuvimos de perder a Ana, nacen toda clase de dudas unilaterales sobre la capacidad de enfrentar una nueva batalla contra el Cáncer que demuelen mi confianza. Normalmente después de un rato empiezo a recordar donde estábamos en Navidad y lo bien que anda Ana ahora, me acuerdo cuan en contra teníamos las estadísticas y simplemente borro todo pensamiento sobre recaídas. Miro para adelante y hago foco en la verdadera meta que Ana y yo nos hemos puesto. Conoceremos a nuestros nietos juntos y en la Tierra.
Ana respondió de una manera increíblemente bien a los tratamientos iniciales que le realizaron, por ende si lamentablemente tuviera una recaída aún disponemos de toda una serie de herramientas que jamás hemos usado. Si llegáramos a esa situación todavía nos queda mucha lucha por dar. Además en el caso de Ana se aplica el dicho “yerba mala nunca muere”.
Los chicos han recuperado a su madre, ella los ayuda con los deberes, les recuerda que deben lavarse los dientes, comer sus vegetales, y todas las demás ayuda memorias maternales que se les puedan ocurrir. Ella está presente para el abrazo de la mañana, la sonrisa de la tarde y el beso de las buenas noches. El único cambio es que ellos deben venir a la cama de Ana en vez de Ana ir a las camas de ellos. El orden de los factores puede cambiar, pero el resultado es el mismo. Esto es niños felices y madre satisfecha.
Los chicos han recuperado a su madre en una manera mucho más profunda también. Antes de la remisión ellos dudaban de muchas cosas que Ana pudiera decir o instrucciones que pudiera dar. Por ejemplo si ella decía “A lavarse los dientes y a la cama”. Enseguida venían y me preguntaban si eso estaba bien y si tenían que obedecer a la madre, como si la inseguridad que sentían con respecto a la supervivencia de Ana les quitara seguridad en cuanto a su autoridad dentro de la estructura familiar. Obviamente yo la respaldaba a Ana haciendo hincapié en el hecho que ella es su mamá sin importar cuan enferma haya estado y que deben hacerle caso. Después que Ana fue declarada en remisión nunca más hicieron ese tipo de planteo. Como si al confirmarse la supervivencia de Ana en sus mentes, su autoridad y su posición dentro de la estructura familiar volvieron a su lugar dentro de sus psiquis.
Como si no tuviera lo suficiente con el proceso de recuperación de Ana para mantenerme ocupado, hace 4 meses mi madre también fue diagnosticada con cáncer de seno. Gracias a Dios el de ella fue detectado milagrosamente temprano. Tenia un tumor minúsculo del tamaño de un grano de maíz. Se lo sacaron por cirugía, por suerte no se había expandido a ninguna otra parte. La semana pasada terminó con su terapia de rayos. Se siente muy bien y no debería tener problemas a mediano o largo plazo debido a la precocidad de la detección.
Estos meses de silencio sirven para mirar hacia atrás y revisar muchos aspectos de nuestras vidas. En el fragor de la batalla simplemente empujas y peleas sin pensar demasiado. Tu meta es sobrevivir y toda actividad gira alrededor de ese objetivo único. No hay tiempo para el pensamiento profundo. Cuando se logra poner en pausa la ansiedad de la supervivencia, la reflexión comienza a dominar tu mente. Terminas pasando por momentos de depresión. Es como los soldados cuando vuelven de la guerra. Mientras están en el combate pueden perfectamente con la tarea, pero una vez que vuelven a casa y la enormidad de lo que tuvieron que enfrentar les pega de lleno necesitan un tiempo en calma para procesarlo. Terminas por hacer una auditoria de cada aspecto de tu vida y no es un proceso fácil. Terminas por dudar hasta de las cosas más simples de tu vida y tu manera de realizarlas.
En mi caso he descubierto un verdadero interés en costumbres más saludables. Creo que siempre fuimos bastante saludables en casa. Siempre hemos comido muchos vegetales, frutas, pescado, pastas, y casi nada frito. Jamás hemos fumado y de manera ocasional comemos algún asado, carnes rojas, panceta etc. Sin embargo siempre hay espacio para mejorar. Hemos cambiado por arroz y pastas integrales. Cambie el café común por uno orgánico y el te verde. Cuando nos sentamos a comer con los chicos, antes de comenzar cada uno de los cinco tiene su turno para contarle al resto algo positivo, o algo que cause gratitud o algo que nos haya hecho felices durante el día. Hay más cambios en la lista pero creo que se dan cuenta de que se trata.
Mucho antes que Ana se enfermara yo era voluntario de la “American Cancer Society”. Comencee hace siete años en gratitud por la supervivencia por segunda vez de mi papá, y como un homenaje a mi abuela que no sobrevivió su segunda vez contra el cáncer. Mi motivación para luchar contra el cáncer es mucho más fuerte que antes. Les pido a todos que hagan lo mejor que puedan para luchar contra esta enfermedad y no se enojen si en el futuro reciben numerosos mensajes de mi parte para apoyar esta causa.
¿Qué más les puedo contar? Por un lado no tengo mucho más para contar y a su vez podría seguir por horas. Parece que estos casi once meses hubieran pasado en un instante y a su vez parecieran que formaran parte de mi mismísima existencia desde hace 44 años. Ciertamente ha sido una experiencia que me cambió la vida, pero a su vez la vida no cambia. La adoré a Ana desde el primer día que la conocí, eso no cambió. Nuestros hijos son el eje de nuestras vidas, y eso no cambió. Siempre me gustó socializar, la música, leer y los deportes, especialmente los deportes acuáticos y el tenis; nada de eso cambió. El único cambio es el ángulo mi visión ha rotado algunos grados.
Sigo asombrado por tantos mensajes llenos de amor, bendiciones y plegarias que hemos recibido y que continuamos recibiendo. Nunca tuve el tiempo ni la energía de contestarle a cada uno de ustedes cada uno de esos mensajes, sin embargo les aseguro que he leído cada renglón y aprecio profundamente cada una de sus palabras. Hay varias lecciones muy importantes de toda esta experiencia. Es una educación que nadie desea recibir, pero una vez que se recibe se comprueba que es muy útil. Por ahora solamente haré mención de dos de esas lecciones. Primero, hay mucha más bondad en este mundo de la que pensamos y más de la que nosotros nos permitimos ver. Segundo, si piden ayuda, la recibirán.
Una vez más quiero expresar la enorme gratitud que tenemos como familia por haber recibido tanto amor, plegaria y apoyo de tantas personas literalmente en todo el mundo.
Espero que algún día podamos retribuir aunque sea el 1% de lo recibido.
Si alguna persona que ustedes conocen es afectada por el cáncer y piensan que puedo ser de ayuda conversando con ellos no duden en contactarme. Tengo toda la buena voluntad en reunirme o pasarme las horas que sean necesarias al teléfono con pacientes de cáncer, sus familiares o quienes los cuidan.
En los últimos meses he hablado con un puñado de personas afectadas por esta enfermedad. Después de lo vivido honestamente creo que puedo dar ayuda, y buenos consejos. No puedo curar a nadie, sólo puedo ofrecer conversación que quizás ayude a enfrentar un poco mejor esta situación. Sin importarme cuan pequeña haya sido la ayuda que le pude ofrecer a las pocas personas con las que hablé, realmente me hizo sentir muy bien retribuir en algo.
Gracias
Victor
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Ana Updates 024 February 26th 2009 (English)
February 26th 2009
Hello Everyone
Here we are still at the Baptist Hospital. It’s been almost 4 weeks since we came back to the hospital thinking we’d be home in 2 or 3 days. Regretfully all sorts of complications appeared and things just snowballed. These last weeks have been very stressful for everyone. We’ve had a lot of new challenges and had too many emotional ups and downs.
I’ll give you a rundown of the events.
As you remember we resolved the initial leakage from the Ommaya port. Then we detected the pneumonia right at the beginning. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise since we were able to fight it and stop it in its tracks before it developed into a more serious case.
When that was clearing up we had new problems with the Ommaya port so Ana had to get surgery to take it out and replace it with a new one.
We had the fistula and perforated intestine false alarm that had us all stressed out for about 72 hours.
Last Tuesday (Feb 17th) it looked like we would be home by the weekend and we got hit with another bucket of cold water. A bacterial infection was detected in Ana’s spinal fluid, in other words she was diagnosed with a form of meningitis. We had to wait until Thursday to know exactly what bacteria it was. On Thursday they said it looked like lab contamination because it was a type of bacteria that normally shows up in the intestine. So another sample of spinal fluid was extracted to verify. Saturday afternoon I was informed that the same bacteria appeared again in the cerebral fluid and the doctors determined that the Ommaya connection had been contaminated. So it was necessary to remove the Ommaya port completely. The procedure is very quick but it needs to be done by a neurosurgeon under anesthesia.
So once again on Sunday Ana went to the operating room and had the Ommaya port removed.
As if all this wasn’t enough, Ana has been receiving her three types of chemotherapy on a regular basis. As everyone knows the chemo in itself shakes up anyone. Ana is getting 3 kinds at the same time. Imagine what that does to her, plus the surgeries and the anguish of being at the hospital for almost 4 weeks this time. None of us are in the best of shape.
She’s currently receiving antibiotics to make sure the infection disappears. The test that was done on Tuesday was ok and will be tested again in the morning.
In spite of all this Ana is doing better than could be expected and it looks like tomorrow we’ll finally be going home. We depend on final clearance from the infectious disease doctor and that will be determined by some new test in the morning.
Like I said all these ups and downs have been very difficult on Ana and her emotional fortitude has really been tested. Her will to live is amazing and in the last few days she’s bounced back a bit, she has become a lot more communicative again and is in a pretty good mood.
My mom arrived from Argentina a few days ago. Her presence has been a much needed breath of fresh air. She takes care of the kids and allows me to spend more time with Ana. The nights at the hospital a very long and I’m eating a lot of ice cream and other sweets that I normally don’t touch. So I can imagine I’m putting on weight.
Ana really needs to feel love, human warmth and support from everyone so don’t hesitate to visit her or send her cards and letters.
Hopefully this weekend Ana, the children and I will all sleep under the same roof again.
I pray and hope that she remains well and we can celebrate our wedding anniversary on March 11th at home.
I will let you know as soon as we get home.
Best regards
Victor
Hello Everyone
Here we are still at the Baptist Hospital. It’s been almost 4 weeks since we came back to the hospital thinking we’d be home in 2 or 3 days. Regretfully all sorts of complications appeared and things just snowballed. These last weeks have been very stressful for everyone. We’ve had a lot of new challenges and had too many emotional ups and downs.
I’ll give you a rundown of the events.
As you remember we resolved the initial leakage from the Ommaya port. Then we detected the pneumonia right at the beginning. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise since we were able to fight it and stop it in its tracks before it developed into a more serious case.
When that was clearing up we had new problems with the Ommaya port so Ana had to get surgery to take it out and replace it with a new one.
We had the fistula and perforated intestine false alarm that had us all stressed out for about 72 hours.
Last Tuesday (Feb 17th) it looked like we would be home by the weekend and we got hit with another bucket of cold water. A bacterial infection was detected in Ana’s spinal fluid, in other words she was diagnosed with a form of meningitis. We had to wait until Thursday to know exactly what bacteria it was. On Thursday they said it looked like lab contamination because it was a type of bacteria that normally shows up in the intestine. So another sample of spinal fluid was extracted to verify. Saturday afternoon I was informed that the same bacteria appeared again in the cerebral fluid and the doctors determined that the Ommaya connection had been contaminated. So it was necessary to remove the Ommaya port completely. The procedure is very quick but it needs to be done by a neurosurgeon under anesthesia.
So once again on Sunday Ana went to the operating room and had the Ommaya port removed.
As if all this wasn’t enough, Ana has been receiving her three types of chemotherapy on a regular basis. As everyone knows the chemo in itself shakes up anyone. Ana is getting 3 kinds at the same time. Imagine what that does to her, plus the surgeries and the anguish of being at the hospital for almost 4 weeks this time. None of us are in the best of shape.
She’s currently receiving antibiotics to make sure the infection disappears. The test that was done on Tuesday was ok and will be tested again in the morning.
In spite of all this Ana is doing better than could be expected and it looks like tomorrow we’ll finally be going home. We depend on final clearance from the infectious disease doctor and that will be determined by some new test in the morning.
Like I said all these ups and downs have been very difficult on Ana and her emotional fortitude has really been tested. Her will to live is amazing and in the last few days she’s bounced back a bit, she has become a lot more communicative again and is in a pretty good mood.
My mom arrived from Argentina a few days ago. Her presence has been a much needed breath of fresh air. She takes care of the kids and allows me to spend more time with Ana. The nights at the hospital a very long and I’m eating a lot of ice cream and other sweets that I normally don’t touch. So I can imagine I’m putting on weight.
Ana really needs to feel love, human warmth and support from everyone so don’t hesitate to visit her or send her cards and letters.
Hopefully this weekend Ana, the children and I will all sleep under the same roof again.
I pray and hope that she remains well and we can celebrate our wedding anniversary on March 11th at home.
I will let you know as soon as we get home.
Best regards
Victor
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Ana Updates 023 February 15th 2009 (English)
February 15th 2009
Hello Everyone
I have some great news!!!!!!
The sonogram, the MRI and the other tests that were performed in Ana’s pelvic region we’re just fine! They show no signs of a fistula or any kind of intestinal perforation. It was just a bad scare product of a bit of over diagnosing. I’m sorry if I blurted out bad news before we had the actual facts and got you all very worried but I must admit that I’m very worn out with all this and it’s hard to keep my mind totally centered. It’s been 11 long weeks of non-stop battling everyday. The barrage of messages we got over the two or three from so many of you sending your prayers was amazing.
Ana is doing actually doing very well clinically and we should be able to bring her home in the next few days. However in the last few days she’s been very depressed emotionally. Her emotional setback really started the other day when we told her that she would have to stay a few more days at the hospital. Hopefully bringing her home will revert the current mental state she’s in. She is not alert mentally. Most of the time she’s is gone, almost like an Alzheimer patient, she does have a few hours a day around noon that she’s usually more alert.
So please, if you can drop by and see her at the hospital it does help her very much. Her room number is 5244.
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. It was the first time since we married almost 14 years ago that Ana and I slept in separate beds on this date. It’s so painful and I miss her physical presence so much. I’m hoping that with motivation, persistence and fighting we will have our time together in the future.
I wanted to share a beautiful song that sums up what Valentine’s Day means to Ana and me. Every since Chiara was born she’s always spoken and dreamt about what it would be like to have grandchildren. In spite of all the difficulties we are currently undergoing the real goal is to meet our grandchildren together and on this Earth.
The song is a John Lennon tune that was never released in a finished version. He was shot and killed while he was preparing the album. The song was released post-mortem on his Milk and Honey album. It’s called “Grow Old With Me”.
I have posted the home demo version by John Lennon and another one by a friend of mine named Damian Wilson. The John Lennon version sounds a bit poor since it was simply done on a home tape recorder back in 1980. It was a work in progress at the time of his killing.
Damian’s version is absolutely incredible duet with Alex Sharpe. Damian is a magnificent vocalist. I met him a few years ago when we worked together on a South American Rick Wakeman tour that I promoted. Damian among other accomplishments sung the part of Jean Valjean in Les Miserables for 3 years. When Damian sent me a copy of this CD back in 2001 it became an instant favorite for Ana and me I hope you enjoy it.
If you like Damian’s version check out the rest of his music at www.damianwilsonmusic.com I think he’s really good.
Best regards and Happy Valentine’s Day to all
Victor
--------------------------------
Grow Old With Me
Damian Wilson version
http://rapidshare.com/files/358142310/01_Grow_Old_With_Me.mp3
John Lennon version
http://rapidshare.com/files/358143832/11_Grow_Old_With_Me.mp3
Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love
Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love
God bless our love
Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end
Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love
God bless our love
Hello Everyone
I have some great news!!!!!!
The sonogram, the MRI and the other tests that were performed in Ana’s pelvic region we’re just fine! They show no signs of a fistula or any kind of intestinal perforation. It was just a bad scare product of a bit of over diagnosing. I’m sorry if I blurted out bad news before we had the actual facts and got you all very worried but I must admit that I’m very worn out with all this and it’s hard to keep my mind totally centered. It’s been 11 long weeks of non-stop battling everyday. The barrage of messages we got over the two or three from so many of you sending your prayers was amazing.
Ana is doing actually doing very well clinically and we should be able to bring her home in the next few days. However in the last few days she’s been very depressed emotionally. Her emotional setback really started the other day when we told her that she would have to stay a few more days at the hospital. Hopefully bringing her home will revert the current mental state she’s in. She is not alert mentally. Most of the time she’s is gone, almost like an Alzheimer patient, she does have a few hours a day around noon that she’s usually more alert.
So please, if you can drop by and see her at the hospital it does help her very much. Her room number is 5244.
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. It was the first time since we married almost 14 years ago that Ana and I slept in separate beds on this date. It’s so painful and I miss her physical presence so much. I’m hoping that with motivation, persistence and fighting we will have our time together in the future.
I wanted to share a beautiful song that sums up what Valentine’s Day means to Ana and me. Every since Chiara was born she’s always spoken and dreamt about what it would be like to have grandchildren. In spite of all the difficulties we are currently undergoing the real goal is to meet our grandchildren together and on this Earth.
The song is a John Lennon tune that was never released in a finished version. He was shot and killed while he was preparing the album. The song was released post-mortem on his Milk and Honey album. It’s called “Grow Old With Me”.
I have posted the home demo version by John Lennon and another one by a friend of mine named Damian Wilson. The John Lennon version sounds a bit poor since it was simply done on a home tape recorder back in 1980. It was a work in progress at the time of his killing.
Damian’s version is absolutely incredible duet with Alex Sharpe. Damian is a magnificent vocalist. I met him a few years ago when we worked together on a South American Rick Wakeman tour that I promoted. Damian among other accomplishments sung the part of Jean Valjean in Les Miserables for 3 years. When Damian sent me a copy of this CD back in 2001 it became an instant favorite for Ana and me I hope you enjoy it.
If you like Damian’s version check out the rest of his music at www.damianwilsonmusic.com I think he’s really good.
Best regards and Happy Valentine’s Day to all
Victor
--------------------------------
Grow Old With Me
Damian Wilson version
http://rapidshare.com/files/358142310/01_Grow_Old_With_Me.mp3
John Lennon version
http://rapidshare.com/files/358143832/11_Grow_Old_With_Me.mp3
Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love
Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love
God bless our love
Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end
Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love
God bless our love
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Ana Updates 022 February 12th 2009 (English)
February 12, 2009
Hello Everybody
As you all know Ana returned to the Baptist Hospital the previous Sunday (February 1st). We thought she would be there for a couple of days at the most. We’d resolve the leakage from the Ommaya port in her head and then she’d go home.
The leakage of spinal fluid was stopped. She ended up getting surgery to replace the port. Due to the radiation she received the skin on her head is very weak so there are some healing issues. Hopefully they won’t give us too much trouble.
Ana has developed a case of pneumonia. So even though the problems with the Ommaya port have been resolved; the doctors decided to keep her hospitalized for more time until the pneumonia has totally cleared and she finishes the cycle of intravenous antibiotics.
The bottom line is that once again Ana has responded very well to her treatments and the pneumonia has been cleared. The leakage from her Ommaya port turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Since she was in the hospital when the pneumonia developed we were able to really attack it at the very beginning and stop it in its tracks before it got out of hand.
Until yesterday afternoon it looked like she would be going home tomorrow morning, but we never have a dull moment.
Regretfully it looks like Ana now has a fistula in her vaginal region with an apparent perforation of her large intestine. It’s too early to know exactly why this has happened or the exact origin. We are getting studies done between today and tomorrow which will determine the exact cause and treatment. This can be a serious problem since she’s way too weak to get surgery in her abdominal region.
Let’s hope and pray that this is just another setback that will also be surpassed. The last thing we need are additional complications to snowball into something serious.
Regretfully Ana won’t be home for Valentine’s Day.
I know it’s a last minute request but I would really appreciate if you can send Ana and the children a few Valentine cards.
Once again our address is
5350 SW 154th Court
Miami FL 33185
Please drop by to visit her at the hospital she really needs the cheering up. So do I actually.
Sincerely
Victor
Hello Everybody
As you all know Ana returned to the Baptist Hospital the previous Sunday (February 1st). We thought she would be there for a couple of days at the most. We’d resolve the leakage from the Ommaya port in her head and then she’d go home.
The leakage of spinal fluid was stopped. She ended up getting surgery to replace the port. Due to the radiation she received the skin on her head is very weak so there are some healing issues. Hopefully they won’t give us too much trouble.
Ana has developed a case of pneumonia. So even though the problems with the Ommaya port have been resolved; the doctors decided to keep her hospitalized for more time until the pneumonia has totally cleared and she finishes the cycle of intravenous antibiotics.
The bottom line is that once again Ana has responded very well to her treatments and the pneumonia has been cleared. The leakage from her Ommaya port turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Since she was in the hospital when the pneumonia developed we were able to really attack it at the very beginning and stop it in its tracks before it got out of hand.
Until yesterday afternoon it looked like she would be going home tomorrow morning, but we never have a dull moment.
Regretfully it looks like Ana now has a fistula in her vaginal region with an apparent perforation of her large intestine. It’s too early to know exactly why this has happened or the exact origin. We are getting studies done between today and tomorrow which will determine the exact cause and treatment. This can be a serious problem since she’s way too weak to get surgery in her abdominal region.
Let’s hope and pray that this is just another setback that will also be surpassed. The last thing we need are additional complications to snowball into something serious.
Regretfully Ana won’t be home for Valentine’s Day.
I know it’s a last minute request but I would really appreciate if you can send Ana and the children a few Valentine cards.
Once again our address is
5350 SW 154th Court
Miami FL 33185
Please drop by to visit her at the hospital she really needs the cheering up. So do I actually.
Sincerely
Victor
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Ana Updates 021 February 03rd 2009 (English)
February 3, 2009
Hello Everybody
After having Ana at home for almost 10 days on Sunday evening we took had to take her back to the Baptist Hospital. The port she has in her skull for the chemotherapy was leaking and it was recommended that we admit her to the hospital ASAP.
This is just a precaution and is not a worsening of her general condition or anything similar.
The scanning has revealed that the port is ok and no surgical intervention to repair or replace it seems to be necessary.
We will probably be at the hospital for a day or two. I’ll let you know when we go home again. She won’t be released until the leaking has been resolved. So while she’s there some additional testing will be done.
Due to the chemotherapy she’s a bit anemic so she’s received a unit of blood to help keep her strong.
She was in a very bad mood on Sunday and yesterday since she didn’t like going back to the hospital and the kids got worried that she might be away for many weeks again. Everyone seems to be calming down and we’re looking forward to having her back home before the weekend.
I’ll let you al know when she’s home again. In the meantime please keep sending those welcome home and get well cards. She loves receiving the cards and your personal visits. It really helps lift her spirits.
To visit her personally she’s at the Baptist Hospital room 5244
I haven’t sent any messages since Ana was released from the hospital 11 days ago. I’m sorry, but adjusting to all the home nursing hasn’t been easy. It’s a new and difficult challenge.
So in spite her being back at the Baptist for a few days let me go back and tell you a bit of what happened during the first 10 days at home.
We had to set up a hospital bed for Ana at home. I decided to place it in the living room so she’s in the middle of the house and can be part of the home activities.
All the care giving at home is so exhausting it really gives the words “in health and in sickness” a whole new and deeper meaning than when we pronounce and promise them at time of marriage.
I’ve had to learn to give her shots, control her blood sugar, take her blood pressure, change her diapers, and a lot of other things that I would prefer to keep private. Just keeping track of all the medications and their correct dosage is a mind boggling task.
I’m exhausted but I don’t sleep well at all. I’m jumpy all the time and constantly worried that something might be wrong. All the effort is worth it because Ana is able to see the children every morning as soon as they crawl out of bed and have them give her a good morning kiss and hug is literally priceless. The same happens when they get home from school or they give her a goodnight kiss before bed.
The kids have gotten so used to having her home that the other day they just walked in from school and didn’t even say hello to her. I couldn’t believe it. For weeks and weeks they were asking and begging for her for Ana to come home, and now that she’s home they very non-chalantly say “Oh, hi mom”.
The biggest change has been Sophia. At the age of 3 it’s very difficult for her to understand that the person she sees with no hair is mommy. So while Ana was at the hospital Sophia would hardly interact with her. All of a sudden at home we have to restrain Sophia from jumping on Ana’s bed and accidentally hurting her.
Chiara will sit down and read stories and/or her school essays to Ana. Eric will show her different toys or his new score on his Nintendo DS game. There’s a long list of everyday things.
Ana just glows with all the positive energy and love she gets from the children.
So do the children.
Another favorite activity is cuddling up with Ana. One of the kids or me will squeeze into the space between Ana and the bed safety rail and snuggle up or even sleep with her for a while. It can be a bit uncomfortable but it’s well worth it.
Hopefully in the near future we can get Ana to go upstairs and we can share our normal bed again. I miss her physical presence while I sleep so much. It’s like having a big empty hole on the right side of our bed.
Having Ana home and sharing her physical presence plays right into today’s song. It’s an old Billy Joel tune from his Piano Man album. It’s called “You’re My Home”. It’s not one of his greatest hits, most people will never even recall hearing it before but this song has always had a lot of meaning for Ana and me. I hope you like it.
Once again thank you so much for all the concern, love, support, energy and prayers you are all continuously sending Ana and my family.
Sincerely,
Victor
---------------------------
Billy Joel – You’re My Home
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4D40r-E7yk (live in 1978)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HJgNmOtVNY (live in 2006)
When you look into my eyes
And you see the crazy gypsy in my soul
It always comes as a surprise
When I feel my withered roots begin to grow
Well, I never had a place that I could call my very own
But that's alright my love,
'Cause your my home
When you touch my weary head
And you tell me everything will be alright
You say, use my body for your bed
And my love will keep you warm throughout the night
Well, I'll never be a stranger
And I'll never be alone
Where ever we're together that's my home
Home can be the Pennsylvania Turnpike
Indiana early morning dew
High up in the hills of California
Home is just another word for you
If I traveled all my life
And I never get to stop and settle down
Long as I have you by my side
There's a roof above and good walls all around
You're my castle, you're my cabin and my instant pleasure dome
I need you in my house 'cause you're my home
Hello Everybody
After having Ana at home for almost 10 days on Sunday evening we took had to take her back to the Baptist Hospital. The port she has in her skull for the chemotherapy was leaking and it was recommended that we admit her to the hospital ASAP.
This is just a precaution and is not a worsening of her general condition or anything similar.
The scanning has revealed that the port is ok and no surgical intervention to repair or replace it seems to be necessary.
We will probably be at the hospital for a day or two. I’ll let you know when we go home again. She won’t be released until the leaking has been resolved. So while she’s there some additional testing will be done.
Due to the chemotherapy she’s a bit anemic so she’s received a unit of blood to help keep her strong.
She was in a very bad mood on Sunday and yesterday since she didn’t like going back to the hospital and the kids got worried that she might be away for many weeks again. Everyone seems to be calming down and we’re looking forward to having her back home before the weekend.
I’ll let you al know when she’s home again. In the meantime please keep sending those welcome home and get well cards. She loves receiving the cards and your personal visits. It really helps lift her spirits.
To visit her personally she’s at the Baptist Hospital room 5244
I haven’t sent any messages since Ana was released from the hospital 11 days ago. I’m sorry, but adjusting to all the home nursing hasn’t been easy. It’s a new and difficult challenge.
So in spite her being back at the Baptist for a few days let me go back and tell you a bit of what happened during the first 10 days at home.
We had to set up a hospital bed for Ana at home. I decided to place it in the living room so she’s in the middle of the house and can be part of the home activities.
All the care giving at home is so exhausting it really gives the words “in health and in sickness” a whole new and deeper meaning than when we pronounce and promise them at time of marriage.
I’ve had to learn to give her shots, control her blood sugar, take her blood pressure, change her diapers, and a lot of other things that I would prefer to keep private. Just keeping track of all the medications and their correct dosage is a mind boggling task.
I’m exhausted but I don’t sleep well at all. I’m jumpy all the time and constantly worried that something might be wrong. All the effort is worth it because Ana is able to see the children every morning as soon as they crawl out of bed and have them give her a good morning kiss and hug is literally priceless. The same happens when they get home from school or they give her a goodnight kiss before bed.
The kids have gotten so used to having her home that the other day they just walked in from school and didn’t even say hello to her. I couldn’t believe it. For weeks and weeks they were asking and begging for her for Ana to come home, and now that she’s home they very non-chalantly say “Oh, hi mom”.
The biggest change has been Sophia. At the age of 3 it’s very difficult for her to understand that the person she sees with no hair is mommy. So while Ana was at the hospital Sophia would hardly interact with her. All of a sudden at home we have to restrain Sophia from jumping on Ana’s bed and accidentally hurting her.
Chiara will sit down and read stories and/or her school essays to Ana. Eric will show her different toys or his new score on his Nintendo DS game. There’s a long list of everyday things.
Ana just glows with all the positive energy and love she gets from the children.
So do the children.
Another favorite activity is cuddling up with Ana. One of the kids or me will squeeze into the space between Ana and the bed safety rail and snuggle up or even sleep with her for a while. It can be a bit uncomfortable but it’s well worth it.
Hopefully in the near future we can get Ana to go upstairs and we can share our normal bed again. I miss her physical presence while I sleep so much. It’s like having a big empty hole on the right side of our bed.
Having Ana home and sharing her physical presence plays right into today’s song. It’s an old Billy Joel tune from his Piano Man album. It’s called “You’re My Home”. It’s not one of his greatest hits, most people will never even recall hearing it before but this song has always had a lot of meaning for Ana and me. I hope you like it.
Once again thank you so much for all the concern, love, support, energy and prayers you are all continuously sending Ana and my family.
Sincerely,
Victor
---------------------------
Billy Joel – You’re My Home
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4D40r-E7yk (live in 1978)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HJgNmOtVNY (live in 2006)
When you look into my eyes
And you see the crazy gypsy in my soul
It always comes as a surprise
When I feel my withered roots begin to grow
Well, I never had a place that I could call my very own
But that's alright my love,
'Cause your my home
When you touch my weary head
And you tell me everything will be alright
You say, use my body for your bed
And my love will keep you warm throughout the night
Well, I'll never be a stranger
And I'll never be alone
Where ever we're together that's my home
Home can be the Pennsylvania Turnpike
Indiana early morning dew
High up in the hills of California
Home is just another word for you
If I traveled all my life
And I never get to stop and settle down
Long as I have you by my side
There's a roof above and good walls all around
You're my castle, you're my cabin and my instant pleasure dome
I need you in my house 'cause you're my home
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Ana Updates 020 January 22nd 2009 (English)
Hello Everyone
Today is a glorious day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ana is coming home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a real miracle, thank God and all of you for your incredible love and energy
I won’t fill you with details or explanations.
I’ll leave that for later.
The equipment company just finished setting up the hospital bed here at home and I’m off to the Baptist to pick up Ana.
Today is exactly 8 weeks that she was admitted to the Kendall Regional Hospital
If you want to mail her get welcome home cards or you want to drop by and visit our address is
Gospodinoff Family
5350 SW 154 Court
Miami, FL 33185
Tel (305)221-8640
Cel (786)431-6959
Today is a glorious day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ana is coming home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a real miracle, thank God and all of you for your incredible love and energy
I won’t fill you with details or explanations.
I’ll leave that for later.
The equipment company just finished setting up the hospital bed here at home and I’m off to the Baptist to pick up Ana.
Today is exactly 8 weeks that she was admitted to the Kendall Regional Hospital
If you want to mail her get welcome home cards or you want to drop by and visit our address is
Gospodinoff Family
5350 SW 154 Court
Miami, FL 33185
Tel (305)221-8640
Cel (786)431-6959
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Ana Updates 019 January 21st 2009 (English)
January 21st 2009
Ana has been hospitalized for more than 7 weeks and is continuing to do very well. She’s recovering movement in her arms and legs. She’s starting to sit up and hopefully will start to stand in the near future.
Yesterday was a busy day. In the morning Ana’s very best friend, her “other sister” Ana Ines arrived from Argentina and will be with us for 2 weeks to help take care of Ana and manage the kids. Ana Ines is also Chiara’s Godmother. Ana was so happy to see her.
Ana received another dose of her intrathecal chemotherapy (the one that goes directly to her spinal fluid). Since the last sample was clean of cancer cells now those applications have been reduced to once a week.
Today she will receive her other chemotherapy that goes to her bloodstream.
Ana was moved up to a new category regarding her swallowing and eating abilities. She can now eat real solid foods instead of the pureed. So now she can eat pasta, rice, shredded meat, soft vegetables and fruits. She still can’t eat a steak or something hard or tough. She flashed a million dollar smile and blurted the word “Lasagna!!!!” when she heard that pasta was finally an option.
After proving to be strong enough to sit for a while and following a very good suggestion from Jorgelina Allende we got Ana into a wheelchair and for the first time in weeks Ana was able to see something different than her own hospital room. We did a few laps around the 5th floor, and then Ana went for the real excitement when she asked to go to other floors so we wondered around the 4th floor and took her down to the lobby. We even went outdoors for a few minutes. She had some real fresh air.
On our way back to her room we tried drag racing against a few stretchers but got caught by the hallway police, our wheelchair was impounded, we need to go to traffic school and do 35 hours of community service.
All kidding aside it was really nice for her to get a change of scenery.
We also got a visit from “Lucky”. He’s an 11 year old French Hound dog. He’s a therapy dog that comes once a week to the hospital to visit patients who are dog or animal lovers. Ana spent a good amount of time just petting and smiling at Lucky.
She’s become extremely emotional and going thru very strong mood changes over the last few days. At times she will break into tears over trivial things like the door to her room being left open, and also about serious things like fearing for her life and anxiety about the future. The peaks and valleys can be quite extreme and it does wear you out, but its part of the path and from day one we knew it would be very long and difficult. We just have to stay strong and keep on that path.
In four days it will be eighteen years that Ana and I met. So the real path of our lives together started way before she got ill. When we married we chose a theme song that talks about that long path. It’s a song by Genesis from 1978 it was released a few years before Phil Collins had released his first solo album it’s called Follow You Follow Me. I’ve placed the lyrics at the end of this message and you can listen to the song at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvA8XsDku2o
On Sunday my brother in law Luciano went back to Italy. We will miss him very much. Luciano, just like his sister Nunzia was awesome with Ana and the kids. His caring for her with absolute love and devotion was beautiful to witness. He would feed her; make her do her exercises and even making delicious Italian gelato for Chiara, Eric and Sophia.
During this past month my Italian brother and sister in laws have been so wonderfully collaborative and helpful. If I stayed at the hospital with Ana I knew the children were in wonderful hands. If I stayed at home with the children I was in peace knowing that Ana was in wonderful hands. That kind of peace of mind during difficult times is really priceless and I will always be grateful for the time they spent here with us.
I know Nunzia is planning on coming back in April for Ana’s 40th birthday. Hopefully she will be able to.
To keep things exciting my sister Maria arrived from Washington on Friday with her husband Andrew, my 9 year old niece Emily and 8 year old nephew Julian for a 4 day weekend.
Our children were thrilled to spend 4 days with their cousins. Ana was ecstatic to see all of them.
Uncle Andrew carried most of the kid care duties while Maria and I spent a lot of time with Ana at the hospital. There were numerous visits to the hospital with all 5 cousins in full force. The most notable of all visits was yesterday afternoon when Emily, Chiara and Sophia put a Hanna Montana blonde haired wig on Ana and with a make believe beauty salon kit gave Ana the “full spa treatment”. According to Chiara she was transformed into Hanna Mom-tana. We have a few pictures and video that will be posted to the Facebook site shortly.
Friday we also had the Mass at the Good Shepherd and once again it was very nice to greet many of you. Thank you so much for coming and supporting us.
Actually the list of hospital visitors and people supporting us from near and far is impressively long. Each and every one of you is helping to make a positive difference in Ana’s recovery.
Some of you have come to the Baptist or Kendall Regional Hospitals, some to the Masses, some have sent post cards, some have prayed, some have cooked meals, some have made gifts, some have made donations, some have taken care of the children, some have taken care of Ana, some have sent positive energy, some have given blessings, some have done many of the mentioned, no matter what each has done all have given from your hearts and we will always be grateful for the enormously positive effect you have had on Ana.
We are slowly but surely approaching the moment that Ana will be released from Baptist Hospital and be sent to a rehabilitation center, who knows we might even be able to go straight home.
It’s a real miracle to be talking about rehabilitation processes and going home when a few weeks ago it was suggested to me that I start picking a funeral service.
Thank you,
Victor
---------------------
Here are the lyrics for Follow You Follow Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvA8XsDku2o
Stay with me,
My love I hope you'll always be
Right here by my side if ever I needed you
Oh my love
In your arms,
I feel so safe and so secure
Everyday is such a perfect day to spend
Alone with you
I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year
With the dark,
I see so very clearly now
All my fears are drifting by me so slowly now
Fading away
I can say
The night is long but you are there
Close at hand I'm better for the smile you give
And while I live
I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year there will be
I will follow you ...
Ana has been hospitalized for more than 7 weeks and is continuing to do very well. She’s recovering movement in her arms and legs. She’s starting to sit up and hopefully will start to stand in the near future.
Yesterday was a busy day. In the morning Ana’s very best friend, her “other sister” Ana Ines arrived from Argentina and will be with us for 2 weeks to help take care of Ana and manage the kids. Ana Ines is also Chiara’s Godmother. Ana was so happy to see her.
Ana received another dose of her intrathecal chemotherapy (the one that goes directly to her spinal fluid). Since the last sample was clean of cancer cells now those applications have been reduced to once a week.
Today she will receive her other chemotherapy that goes to her bloodstream.
Ana was moved up to a new category regarding her swallowing and eating abilities. She can now eat real solid foods instead of the pureed. So now she can eat pasta, rice, shredded meat, soft vegetables and fruits. She still can’t eat a steak or something hard or tough. She flashed a million dollar smile and blurted the word “Lasagna!!!!” when she heard that pasta was finally an option.
After proving to be strong enough to sit for a while and following a very good suggestion from Jorgelina Allende we got Ana into a wheelchair and for the first time in weeks Ana was able to see something different than her own hospital room. We did a few laps around the 5th floor, and then Ana went for the real excitement when she asked to go to other floors so we wondered around the 4th floor and took her down to the lobby. We even went outdoors for a few minutes. She had some real fresh air.
On our way back to her room we tried drag racing against a few stretchers but got caught by the hallway police, our wheelchair was impounded, we need to go to traffic school and do 35 hours of community service.
All kidding aside it was really nice for her to get a change of scenery.
We also got a visit from “Lucky”. He’s an 11 year old French Hound dog. He’s a therapy dog that comes once a week to the hospital to visit patients who are dog or animal lovers. Ana spent a good amount of time just petting and smiling at Lucky.
She’s become extremely emotional and going thru very strong mood changes over the last few days. At times she will break into tears over trivial things like the door to her room being left open, and also about serious things like fearing for her life and anxiety about the future. The peaks and valleys can be quite extreme and it does wear you out, but its part of the path and from day one we knew it would be very long and difficult. We just have to stay strong and keep on that path.
In four days it will be eighteen years that Ana and I met. So the real path of our lives together started way before she got ill. When we married we chose a theme song that talks about that long path. It’s a song by Genesis from 1978 it was released a few years before Phil Collins had released his first solo album it’s called Follow You Follow Me. I’ve placed the lyrics at the end of this message and you can listen to the song at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvA8XsDku2o
On Sunday my brother in law Luciano went back to Italy. We will miss him very much. Luciano, just like his sister Nunzia was awesome with Ana and the kids. His caring for her with absolute love and devotion was beautiful to witness. He would feed her; make her do her exercises and even making delicious Italian gelato for Chiara, Eric and Sophia.
During this past month my Italian brother and sister in laws have been so wonderfully collaborative and helpful. If I stayed at the hospital with Ana I knew the children were in wonderful hands. If I stayed at home with the children I was in peace knowing that Ana was in wonderful hands. That kind of peace of mind during difficult times is really priceless and I will always be grateful for the time they spent here with us.
I know Nunzia is planning on coming back in April for Ana’s 40th birthday. Hopefully she will be able to.
To keep things exciting my sister Maria arrived from Washington on Friday with her husband Andrew, my 9 year old niece Emily and 8 year old nephew Julian for a 4 day weekend.
Our children were thrilled to spend 4 days with their cousins. Ana was ecstatic to see all of them.
Uncle Andrew carried most of the kid care duties while Maria and I spent a lot of time with Ana at the hospital. There were numerous visits to the hospital with all 5 cousins in full force. The most notable of all visits was yesterday afternoon when Emily, Chiara and Sophia put a Hanna Montana blonde haired wig on Ana and with a make believe beauty salon kit gave Ana the “full spa treatment”. According to Chiara she was transformed into Hanna Mom-tana. We have a few pictures and video that will be posted to the Facebook site shortly.
Friday we also had the Mass at the Good Shepherd and once again it was very nice to greet many of you. Thank you so much for coming and supporting us.
Actually the list of hospital visitors and people supporting us from near and far is impressively long. Each and every one of you is helping to make a positive difference in Ana’s recovery.
Some of you have come to the Baptist or Kendall Regional Hospitals, some to the Masses, some have sent post cards, some have prayed, some have cooked meals, some have made gifts, some have made donations, some have taken care of the children, some have taken care of Ana, some have sent positive energy, some have given blessings, some have done many of the mentioned, no matter what each has done all have given from your hearts and we will always be grateful for the enormously positive effect you have had on Ana.
We are slowly but surely approaching the moment that Ana will be released from Baptist Hospital and be sent to a rehabilitation center, who knows we might even be able to go straight home.
It’s a real miracle to be talking about rehabilitation processes and going home when a few weeks ago it was suggested to me that I start picking a funeral service.
Thank you,
Victor
---------------------
Here are the lyrics for Follow You Follow Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvA8XsDku2o
Stay with me,
My love I hope you'll always be
Right here by my side if ever I needed you
Oh my love
In your arms,
I feel so safe and so secure
Everyday is such a perfect day to spend
Alone with you
I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year
With the dark,
I see so very clearly now
All my fears are drifting by me so slowly now
Fading away
I can say
The night is long but you are there
Close at hand I'm better for the smile you give
And while I live
I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year there will be
I will follow you ...
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Ana Updates 018 January 15th 2009 (English)
January 15, 2009
Today we got some awesome news.
As you may recall Ana is getting chemotherapy in her bloodstream to fight the breast tumor. She is also getting chemo applied directly into her spinal fluid since the cancer has also attacked the meninges membrane the wraps around the brain.
This morning I was informed by the doctor that there are no more cancer cells in her spinal fluid that means that there is no more cancer in her meninges!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. Kaywin called me at 7:30 this morning I was getting the kids ready for school. When he told me I was jumping, crying and shouting and the kids were looking at me like I was due for the loony bin.
Of all the problems we are facing this was the most acute. If we couldn’t stop the attack on her central nervous system everything else would be useless. We needed to stop this so we could have a chance to fight the other battles. This is a major breakthrough a giant step forward.
In our conversation with Dr. Kaywin he told me he was totally amazed with her progress. When we started with the combination of radiotherapy and chemo simultaneously he told me it was basically against the “better judgment” of other doctors who recommended that he “let her go in peace”. So here we are instead of planning a funeral we’re setting up her rehabilitation process.
I’m too tired to get into details. I promise to update other aspects of what’s happening with Ana later on.
There will be a special Mass for Ana at Good Shepherd 14187 SW 72nd Street Miami FL on Saturday January 17th at 6:30PM. This one will be in Spanish. I would like to keep praying for Ana’s health and recovery but also express gratitude for the incredible progress she has made.
We need all of your strength and encouragement to keep fighting the multiple battles we have before us.
Thank you
Victor
Today we got some awesome news.
As you may recall Ana is getting chemotherapy in her bloodstream to fight the breast tumor. She is also getting chemo applied directly into her spinal fluid since the cancer has also attacked the meninges membrane the wraps around the brain.
This morning I was informed by the doctor that there are no more cancer cells in her spinal fluid that means that there is no more cancer in her meninges!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. Kaywin called me at 7:30 this morning I was getting the kids ready for school. When he told me I was jumping, crying and shouting and the kids were looking at me like I was due for the loony bin.
Of all the problems we are facing this was the most acute. If we couldn’t stop the attack on her central nervous system everything else would be useless. We needed to stop this so we could have a chance to fight the other battles. This is a major breakthrough a giant step forward.
In our conversation with Dr. Kaywin he told me he was totally amazed with her progress. When we started with the combination of radiotherapy and chemo simultaneously he told me it was basically against the “better judgment” of other doctors who recommended that he “let her go in peace”. So here we are instead of planning a funeral we’re setting up her rehabilitation process.
I’m too tired to get into details. I promise to update other aspects of what’s happening with Ana later on.
There will be a special Mass for Ana at Good Shepherd 14187 SW 72nd Street Miami FL on Saturday January 17th at 6:30PM. This one will be in Spanish. I would like to keep praying for Ana’s health and recovery but also express gratitude for the incredible progress she has made.
We need all of your strength and encouragement to keep fighting the multiple battles we have before us.
Thank you
Victor
Monday, January 12, 2009
Ana Updates 017 January 12th 2009 (English)
January 12, 2009
I’m so proud of Ana.
Ana is improving day by day.
On Friday she had her last application of radiotherapy (at least for now). This will help her to start feeling a bit stronger as each day passes. She will continue to receive the different chemotherapies.
On Friday she started to eat pureed food in very small amounts. Today she was able to eat a saltine cracker and swallow it without any problems. She was able to sit up straight for about 5 minutes. She had the strength to do it but her balance needs work. She has been in bed for more than 6 weeks. Her folly catheter (pee pee tube) was also removed.
Tonight she called home for the first time to speak with the kids before they went to sleep and make sure they had done their homework.
Ana is getting two daily sessions of general physical therapy and one of occupational therapy (to rehab fine coordination in her hands and arms), plus the speech therapy. It’s pretty exhausting for her. She gives it her 101%. To be proud of someone has a whole new meaning in my book.
She was moved to a different room. She’s still on the 5th floor in the cancer ward, but she was switched out of the critical care room that’ she’s been in for the last 3 weeks to a normal room. This is another important step. A short time ago Ana was in such a bad situation we were on the verge of going to the intensive care unit.
The new room number is 5205 instead of 5217. The new room is a lot bigger. The head nurse said to me “We should get you a room with stadium seating so you can fit all the visitors your wife receives”. She made me laugh. It’s so wonderful to see the concern that so many people have for Ana’s health. I can only say thank you.
It’s hard to believe that watching a 39 year old woman eating a cracker or sitting up for a few minutes could cause so much joy but life is full of surprises. Things that we take for granted all of a sudden become significant accomplishments.
Like I said before I’m so proud of Ana. Normally a cancer patient will get their different therapies separately. In other words they complete radiotherapy then have a period of a few weeks to recover, then chemotherapy followed by a recovery period and then followed by any other treatments that may be necessary.
Until last Friday Ana was receiving daily sessions of radio therapy, the two types chemotherapy in her blood stream plus the chemotherapy in her spinal fluid simultaneously. Obviously this was not a voluntary decision; it’s the only path we had to fight for her life. Anyone of these individual therapies can be extremely taxing on a person. Ana is taking on all four at once and is doing great.
She also gets her blood sugar tested twice a day, she has to take massive amounts of steroids to help keep the inflammation in her brain controlled and this raises her blood sugar levels. Even though she’s not a diabetic, she is has a temporary diabetic situation so she needs insulin to keep her physiology as normal as possible. Her blood pressure is also measured 3 times a day. She gets a full battery of medications like steroids, insulin, antibiotics, anti convulsive, anti depressants and only God knows how many others.
It’s incredible how well she’s standing up to this. After 6 weeks in bed and 3 weeks of chemo and radiotherapy her blood count remains remarkably strong. Her skin is in great shape. Her face looks fresh.
Instead of getting weaker and fading she’s getting stronger and shinning. Once again, I’m so proud of Ana.
I always knew I had an absolutely incredible person as my wife, but after knowing her for almost 18 years I’m starting to realize that I had barely scratched the surface.
Music has always been a huge part of my life. It has always been a key part of my emotions; a magnifying glass thru which I can see the outer world and also view my inner world. Ana began to know and understand me by listening to “my music”. Some of the music I love can be very unconventional and some of it pretty standard.
I’ve always loved to have people listen to “my music” and eventually understand exactly what they’re listening to, what the artist is trying to say or what it means to me. Not in vain after so many years I still miss working as a DJ and doing radio.
So for what it’s worth I decided to start sharing some of that music with all of you. You have give me so much energy with all your visits and messages that I want to give something back. I will try to pick one song a day to share with you. I’ll send a link to listen to it and the lyrics.
Since I’m so proud of Ana let’s start with the song Proud by Heather Small.
Sincerely
Victor
------------------------
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6994kxPSDI
Proud – Heather Small
I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
Still so many answers I don't know
Realise that to question is how we grow
So I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
We need a change
Do it today
I can feel my spirit rising
We need a change
So do it today
'Cause I can see a clear horizon
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
'Cause you could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today
You could be so many people?
Just make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same
I’m so proud of Ana.
Ana is improving day by day.
On Friday she had her last application of radiotherapy (at least for now). This will help her to start feeling a bit stronger as each day passes. She will continue to receive the different chemotherapies.
On Friday she started to eat pureed food in very small amounts. Today she was able to eat a saltine cracker and swallow it without any problems. She was able to sit up straight for about 5 minutes. She had the strength to do it but her balance needs work. She has been in bed for more than 6 weeks. Her folly catheter (pee pee tube) was also removed.
Tonight she called home for the first time to speak with the kids before they went to sleep and make sure they had done their homework.
Ana is getting two daily sessions of general physical therapy and one of occupational therapy (to rehab fine coordination in her hands and arms), plus the speech therapy. It’s pretty exhausting for her. She gives it her 101%. To be proud of someone has a whole new meaning in my book.
She was moved to a different room. She’s still on the 5th floor in the cancer ward, but she was switched out of the critical care room that’ she’s been in for the last 3 weeks to a normal room. This is another important step. A short time ago Ana was in such a bad situation we were on the verge of going to the intensive care unit.
The new room number is 5205 instead of 5217. The new room is a lot bigger. The head nurse said to me “We should get you a room with stadium seating so you can fit all the visitors your wife receives”. She made me laugh. It’s so wonderful to see the concern that so many people have for Ana’s health. I can only say thank you.
It’s hard to believe that watching a 39 year old woman eating a cracker or sitting up for a few minutes could cause so much joy but life is full of surprises. Things that we take for granted all of a sudden become significant accomplishments.
Like I said before I’m so proud of Ana. Normally a cancer patient will get their different therapies separately. In other words they complete radiotherapy then have a period of a few weeks to recover, then chemotherapy followed by a recovery period and then followed by any other treatments that may be necessary.
Until last Friday Ana was receiving daily sessions of radio therapy, the two types chemotherapy in her blood stream plus the chemotherapy in her spinal fluid simultaneously. Obviously this was not a voluntary decision; it’s the only path we had to fight for her life. Anyone of these individual therapies can be extremely taxing on a person. Ana is taking on all four at once and is doing great.
She also gets her blood sugar tested twice a day, she has to take massive amounts of steroids to help keep the inflammation in her brain controlled and this raises her blood sugar levels. Even though she’s not a diabetic, she is has a temporary diabetic situation so she needs insulin to keep her physiology as normal as possible. Her blood pressure is also measured 3 times a day. She gets a full battery of medications like steroids, insulin, antibiotics, anti convulsive, anti depressants and only God knows how many others.
It’s incredible how well she’s standing up to this. After 6 weeks in bed and 3 weeks of chemo and radiotherapy her blood count remains remarkably strong. Her skin is in great shape. Her face looks fresh.
Instead of getting weaker and fading she’s getting stronger and shinning. Once again, I’m so proud of Ana.
I always knew I had an absolutely incredible person as my wife, but after knowing her for almost 18 years I’m starting to realize that I had barely scratched the surface.
Music has always been a huge part of my life. It has always been a key part of my emotions; a magnifying glass thru which I can see the outer world and also view my inner world. Ana began to know and understand me by listening to “my music”. Some of the music I love can be very unconventional and some of it pretty standard.
I’ve always loved to have people listen to “my music” and eventually understand exactly what they’re listening to, what the artist is trying to say or what it means to me. Not in vain after so many years I still miss working as a DJ and doing radio.
So for what it’s worth I decided to start sharing some of that music with all of you. You have give me so much energy with all your visits and messages that I want to give something back. I will try to pick one song a day to share with you. I’ll send a link to listen to it and the lyrics.
Since I’m so proud of Ana let’s start with the song Proud by Heather Small.
Sincerely
Victor
------------------------
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6994kxPSDI
Proud – Heather Small
I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
Still so many answers I don't know
Realise that to question is how we grow
So I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
We need a change
Do it today
I can feel my spirit rising
We need a change
So do it today
'Cause I can see a clear horizon
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
'Cause you could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today
You could be so many people?
Just make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Ana Updates 016 January 7th 2009 (English)
January 7th 2009
Welcome to the New Year.
I know it’s been a few days since I wrote anything but before I get into details just want to let you know that Ana is doing GREAT!!!!! The improvements we’ve seen since Friday are amazing. So many things have happened in the last week that it’s almost unbelievable.
Since Christmas I had seen different signs of improvement in Ana’s condition. Like the sudden reduction in her need for pain killers and the short one or two hour bouts of real awareness. These were very nice indicators, sort of like milestones but for some reason they just weren’t becoming a visible path.
On Friday evening because nobody can be at two places at the same time Ana was left by herself for about 3 hours. When I arrived at her room at about 8PM for the first time in 5 weeks Ana was watching TV and paying attention to it. Some might consider that watching TV and actually being interested in it could be a strong symptom of involution, but to see her so aware and following something in depth after so much time was a clear sign of progress in my book. When she looked at me and said “What are you looking at?” with absolute clarity and a depth in her expression that I hadn’t seen in weeks I started to cry and didn’t know what to do. I wanted to hug and squeeze her but was afraid of hurting her, I was tempted to leave the room and scream all the way down the hallways, but wanted to share my joy with Ana, so I just started jumping up and down like an 8 years old on Christmas morning while looking at her straight in the eyes.
Everything involving Ana’s plight has been so patchy that I held back on my initial reaction of writing to all of you about it. Even though I was convinced that something inside of Ana had changed and that something had finally clicked I decided to make sure we had a real trend before writing about it.
It’s so amazing to see all the things that have happened since I wrote the last time on December 31st.
The Mass that was held for Ana on December 31st was a great way of ending the year and getting a jump start on 2009. I was finally able to attend one of the Masses held in her name. I went with the three kids; numerous friends were there to give us further support and to share prayers and blessings.
Later on that night I ended up taking the children to The Baptist close to midnight so we could be with Ana at the break of the New Year. We went there with New Year hats, horns, 2 bottles of Italian Asti (a sweet Italian type of champagne that Ana likes very much) and a basket full of delicious fresh fruit and chocolate covered strawberries that we had received as a gift from my brother in law David’s family. We all gave Ana a big kiss and multiple hugs at midnight. We celebrated with the Oncology ward staff that was on call. I thought that sharing that delicious basket with the people who are in the front line caring for Ana everyday even when most would rather be with their families was the right thing to do. One of the nurses was really grateful that we remembered them. Honestly the quality of the nursing at Baptist is outstanding.
I will deny any allegations of hospital personnel raising Styrofoam cups toasting to a patient’s recovery and having a few sips of sparkling Italian wine while on duty. Any suggestion that an oncology patient received a few drops of said liquid on her lips will also be denied. Same goes for any minors whose lips may have been moistened with said liquid.
Ana was totally lucid and the kids were in such a good mood that we ended up staying until about 2:30AM. They went to bed at 3:30AM; I left them at home with my sister in law and went back to the hospital to sleep in the room with Ana.
Ana’s brother Luciano arrived from Italy on Saturday afternoon. Ana was so happy to see him. The same as Chiara and Eric, Sophia is too young to remember him.
She’s very awake, and has maintained her alertness consistently since Friday evening. Her speech has improved significantly; she’s starting to move her arms and legs so much more. Due to her improvement her physical therapy will be increased to twice a day. As of yesterday she is no longer getting oxygen either.
Yesterday she almost passed her swallowing test, she was close so hopefully in a few days she will be able to eat normally and start taking a new medication called Lapatib. This drug will significantly improve the effects of the chemotherapy without causing additional side effects. This medication can only be taken orally and can’t be split or ground, she must be able to swallow it correctly.
Two short incidents will define how Ana is doing.
On Monday I had a conversation with the hospital’s care coordinator about setting up Ana’s rehab treatments at home. I would like you to keep in mind that about two and half weeks ago the same person came to me to see if we had any type of funeral plans in place. A very different type of conversation.
Yesterday we were at the hospital with the children and Chiara started to get a bit rowdy, so Ana gave her that special look that mothers give from time to time. Chiara froze in her tracks and blurted out “Uh oh we’re back to normal”. I couldn’t stop laughing for 10 minutes. I don’t think any medical explanation can be as clear or as concise as Chiara’s words.
We are all so happy and grateful to see this amazing turn around of the last few days. I know we have a very long way to go but it feels so good to see this initial progress.
Even though things are looking better we will still need all the prayers, positive energy, love, support and hospital visits you can muster.
Thank you once again
Victor
Welcome to the New Year.
I know it’s been a few days since I wrote anything but before I get into details just want to let you know that Ana is doing GREAT!!!!! The improvements we’ve seen since Friday are amazing. So many things have happened in the last week that it’s almost unbelievable.
Since Christmas I had seen different signs of improvement in Ana’s condition. Like the sudden reduction in her need for pain killers and the short one or two hour bouts of real awareness. These were very nice indicators, sort of like milestones but for some reason they just weren’t becoming a visible path.
On Friday evening because nobody can be at two places at the same time Ana was left by herself for about 3 hours. When I arrived at her room at about 8PM for the first time in 5 weeks Ana was watching TV and paying attention to it. Some might consider that watching TV and actually being interested in it could be a strong symptom of involution, but to see her so aware and following something in depth after so much time was a clear sign of progress in my book. When she looked at me and said “What are you looking at?” with absolute clarity and a depth in her expression that I hadn’t seen in weeks I started to cry and didn’t know what to do. I wanted to hug and squeeze her but was afraid of hurting her, I was tempted to leave the room and scream all the way down the hallways, but wanted to share my joy with Ana, so I just started jumping up and down like an 8 years old on Christmas morning while looking at her straight in the eyes.
Everything involving Ana’s plight has been so patchy that I held back on my initial reaction of writing to all of you about it. Even though I was convinced that something inside of Ana had changed and that something had finally clicked I decided to make sure we had a real trend before writing about it.
It’s so amazing to see all the things that have happened since I wrote the last time on December 31st.
The Mass that was held for Ana on December 31st was a great way of ending the year and getting a jump start on 2009. I was finally able to attend one of the Masses held in her name. I went with the three kids; numerous friends were there to give us further support and to share prayers and blessings.
Later on that night I ended up taking the children to The Baptist close to midnight so we could be with Ana at the break of the New Year. We went there with New Year hats, horns, 2 bottles of Italian Asti (a sweet Italian type of champagne that Ana likes very much) and a basket full of delicious fresh fruit and chocolate covered strawberries that we had received as a gift from my brother in law David’s family. We all gave Ana a big kiss and multiple hugs at midnight. We celebrated with the Oncology ward staff that was on call. I thought that sharing that delicious basket with the people who are in the front line caring for Ana everyday even when most would rather be with their families was the right thing to do. One of the nurses was really grateful that we remembered them. Honestly the quality of the nursing at Baptist is outstanding.
I will deny any allegations of hospital personnel raising Styrofoam cups toasting to a patient’s recovery and having a few sips of sparkling Italian wine while on duty. Any suggestion that an oncology patient received a few drops of said liquid on her lips will also be denied. Same goes for any minors whose lips may have been moistened with said liquid.
Ana was totally lucid and the kids were in such a good mood that we ended up staying until about 2:30AM. They went to bed at 3:30AM; I left them at home with my sister in law and went back to the hospital to sleep in the room with Ana.
Ana’s brother Luciano arrived from Italy on Saturday afternoon. Ana was so happy to see him. The same as Chiara and Eric, Sophia is too young to remember him.
She’s very awake, and has maintained her alertness consistently since Friday evening. Her speech has improved significantly; she’s starting to move her arms and legs so much more. Due to her improvement her physical therapy will be increased to twice a day. As of yesterday she is no longer getting oxygen either.
Yesterday she almost passed her swallowing test, she was close so hopefully in a few days she will be able to eat normally and start taking a new medication called Lapatib. This drug will significantly improve the effects of the chemotherapy without causing additional side effects. This medication can only be taken orally and can’t be split or ground, she must be able to swallow it correctly.
Two short incidents will define how Ana is doing.
On Monday I had a conversation with the hospital’s care coordinator about setting up Ana’s rehab treatments at home. I would like you to keep in mind that about two and half weeks ago the same person came to me to see if we had any type of funeral plans in place. A very different type of conversation.
Yesterday we were at the hospital with the children and Chiara started to get a bit rowdy, so Ana gave her that special look that mothers give from time to time. Chiara froze in her tracks and blurted out “Uh oh we’re back to normal”. I couldn’t stop laughing for 10 minutes. I don’t think any medical explanation can be as clear or as concise as Chiara’s words.
We are all so happy and grateful to see this amazing turn around of the last few days. I know we have a very long way to go but it feels so good to see this initial progress.
Even though things are looking better we will still need all the prayers, positive energy, love, support and hospital visits you can muster.
Thank you once again
Victor
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